Simple Prayers

"Pray Without Ceasing", I don't know if momma said this or it is from the bible. Either way it is a holy statement that I have always lived by.
I pray all of the time, not down on my knees, praying. Out loud talking to God praying. Most of the time I just say "Jesus" and figure he knows the rest. Sometimes I feel the need to clarify, like "Jesus, please help these Republicans open their hearts and wallets, all God's children need health insurance!!!!!"
Most of the time my prayers are very simple, and a lot of prayer time is thanking God for everything in my life.
I do have an everyday prayer, and that is to see my son Ward. I say, "Jesus, send me Ward in a dream."
I think most mothers who have lost children probably have the same prayer.
Last night I had Ward in my dreams. He was at home, he was a mess, he needed a haircut and he needed me. I held his sweet face in my hands.
My prayer this morning was "Jesus, thank you for holding me, and p.s. keep working on the Republicans!"

Short Road Trip

Emma and I were Alabama bound early Saturday for some retail therapy with favorite cousin Leigh-Leigh.
Edgar's Bakery started our morning with such joy at looking at all the baked goods and the people slathering on the icing of these beautiful cakes and cookies. It was a bakery that I haven't seen the likes of since I was a child. They boxed us up some treats for later and while we were there, smelling all the bakery smells, we ate cinnamon buns the size of my first car.
Shopping began with abandon, not looking for anything specific, just looking.
I love that saying" Just Looking", that is what we all are doing.
Sweet tea took us later into the evening.
Laughing and laughing HARD!!
If someone could just bottle up the sound of hard laughter. Leigh Holland could make a fortune, she has the most contagious laugh. Emma and I were so lucky to spend a Saturday listening to it.

Alpharetta Monastery

The Benedictine monks have nothing on me, my summer has been quiet.
Father, Son and Holy Ghost QUIET!!!
This is my first summer in 29 years that no children have been around.
Days of Silence, broken only occasionally by the barking of the dog, the purr of the cat, a phone call or two, and me talking to the air. Talking to yourself is very underrated.
I have had quality time to reflect on many, many things, the brain just a turning.
Experiencing such long spells of quietness, my senses started to wake up. I wonder how long they had been asleep?
I read in a magazine that a Benedictine retreat can cost anywhere from $300 to $600 dollars a week. Mine was free.
School starts in a couple of weeks, no more quiet days, but I'm ready!!!!

Cousins - a collateral relative

Lunch with two of my cousins yesterday was like a covered dish church picnic. We had a little of "this" and a little of "that" Chewing was optional. Chewing can be difficult when talking non stop for over two hours.We barely took a breath, every ones business was laid out for full view.We talked all at the same time and understood what each other was trying to say, or pretending to!!! Cousins have a code, and it is wide open. We howled with laughter and cried in between. Precious crazy cousins, a banquet of love!!!!

In the Closet

Most people come out of the closet, not me, I'm heading in. New hangers, new bins and baskets, new ideas. In with the NEW and out with the OLD.
I start at the bottom, The Shoes!!!! Will I ever wear these pumps ( high heels) again, and the CFM shoes, should I dust them off???Ohhhhhh they are so cute, and sexy and prissy.
I try each one of them on, strutting around, trying to convince myself that they felt good on my feet.
3 hours later and sittin on the floor with sneakers , sandals, boots, flip-flops, slippers, I think I may have some distraction issues.
Maybe I should have started at the top of the closet, that is my problem, and then I look, THE Purses (handbags) loom, peer down.
I may never make it out.
Going into the closet is harder then I imagined, no wonder people have such a hard time coming out of the closet!!!
I understand completely.

(yes, I know sittin is spelled wrong, but that is what I was doing)
Love,Love

SHOES

Ward's shoes remain on the back stairs leading up to his bedroom. His last work schedule hangs on a bulletin board in the hall. A ratty sweatshirt jacket hangs on a coat rack in the kitchen.

I can not let go, maybe one day, but I don't know how or even why? I think Mothers just hang on, that is what we do.

Tomorrow it will be two years since Ward died. My feet hit the floor each morning thinking of him, and I celebrate his precious life with us.

Grief has become a part of my life, not my best friend, maybe just an acquaintance.

The shoes will stay on the stairs.

Stop Talking Aunt Lucille

Daddy use to say this to me, comparing me to his chatterbox, know-it all Aunt Lucille.
I took this as a compliment.
All my report cards said " Bonnie talks too much." Now isn't that a horrible thing to put on a report card.
I had alot to say.
Now I can e-mail, facebook, twitter, or blog, such freedom without opening my mouth.
Enjoy all my chatter.