Stop Talking Aunt Lucille

"You Have some Splainin to Do!"

2012-02-10T07:13:00.004-05:00

I have many questions, daily!!! they are my pulled hamstring , go with it!!!
While trying to make my face this morning, I discovered a stray chin hair, that required a hair roller!!! Here comes the questions.........Dear God, why in the world would you increase a woman's chin hairs when our eye sight is failing us?? and they are white!!! I'm almost to the point of wearing tweezers around my neck!!!! There is a flaw in your design, and I know you are perfect. We need to talk. Give all the overgrowth of hair to prisoners, they have all the time in the world to pluck. Oh yea, I get it, they cannot have tweezers, or..maybe they can?? Change is good, that is what you tell us. Also....what is the muffin top roll of fat, that jumps on us all after forty, Good Lord regulate peoples hormones. Mother Mary, talk to your son.
I know, blessings, I have a ton.
My big question, or maybe it is a thought for you to ponder, never, never take a mom's child from her. It's too much, even with your help.
Need to run, talk later.
Your child
Bonnie

What a Winter? Good-bye Miss January!!

2012-01-31T18:32:00.003-05:00

I think a summer cold has jumped on me, it must be, because Winter has visited someone else.
No coat has graced my back, no hats, mittens or Jack Frost, it's been balmy.
Sure there have been a few chilly days, but not crawl back in the bed, cold!!!
The rain and gray skies have been been hanging on, but "take me to Jesus" cold days, nil.
Winter and I, are like oil and water, not a good combo. You would think my spirits would have remained, semi-normal? No,no,no you see January alone, is not a good month. I can not explain it. I know it has something to do with short days, not as much light, bad TV shows, I am at a loss. It just beats me down, cold or not!!! So happy January 31st!!! Its almost over, and I feel giddy. February even sounds better, say it out loud. Pucker your lips, it rolls off your tongue, awesome. A month of Love,love love, Glee is doing Michael Jackson tonight and Ferris Bueller is making a new commercial!! Thinking about Bueller, Bueller, Bueller, makes me ecstatic. I just started a new book about John-John Kennedy, Fairy Tale Interrupted, yummy. Just finished reading The Long Run, by Mishka Shubaly, very good. Thinking, Fast and Slow, by Daniel Kahneman remarkable, and The Journal of Best Practices, by David Finch, life altering. I guess January was not so empty after all, but I bid you adieu just the same!!!

Me Bossy?

2012-01-26T07:09:00.003-05:00

Well maybe a little bossy??but bossy pants? Yes that would be me, but in a good way. My way!! Honestly I think it may be genetic, and if it's not??that is OK also. I have tried to curb it for years, and then things fall apart. Bossy pants have served me well. You know in the south we can give orders with a smile, and thank you SOOOOOooooo much without blinking an eye!! That's it, bossy is environmental!!! It also could be my birth order, number one child comes with expectations!!! All this back history of my Mary Poppins personality leads me to the book I'm reading,
Bossypants by Tina Fey. The world feels better when you know there are others out there, that may also have this wonderful character!!!
Tina Fey, is much younger than myself, yet her story seems so familiar. Laughing and highlighting every other sentence, has helped lift me from the dreaded January doldrums. I think bossy and funny may be cousins. When she tells of breaking up with a boy on her seventeenth birthday because he gave her a box of popcorn and a used battery tester, the lights went on in my brain. Yes Tina, I broke up with a boy because he gave me Avon for Christmas and chewed too much Juicy Fruit gum!!!! that's not bossy, that's good judgment. I too agree that gay people do not try and convert us, it is those Jehovah witness bunch. Again, I'm with you sister, I do not like to smell grimness on people, or embrace people in cults!! You talk about having one long white pubic hair, I have not looked "down under" in years, but you got me to thinking. We cannot worry about the "shit nuggets" Shit happens, and we learn to let go!!
You have written a jewel, made me howl, and reminded me of so many stories of bossy-ness, that have shaped me. Love,love,love this book, READ IT!!! OMG Iam bossy!!!

The Year Of The Dragon???

2012-01-24T06:58:00.006-05:00

I celebrate all holidays, Chinese New Year included!!! I was born under the sign of the dragon, and according to Chinese fortune cookie!! Dragon very lucky!!!!
In January I will hitch my mood to anything that will lift me out of the belly of the beast!!! Fireworks and paper lanterns, and a huge dragon parade, point me in the direction of eight billion people.
Dismal rain, and fog, hang on like a toddler, and January has too many days. I work hard to foster contentment, January murders any joy that I can find. So I turn the pages of any book with answers, or a story that will make me forget. While wrapped up, like a pig in a blanket, I read my grief book. Every page is flagged, each word has helped heal me. January 6th entry, touched my sour dragon heart. A quote by Vincent van Gogh- the best way to love God, is to love many things.
Now I have a plan, today I will concentrate on love. I love my protein bar, and Nadal playing tennis. I love my bedroom slippers, and strong coffee. I love so many things, he was right, minus an ear!!! or was that a different artist?? I love that I know just enough, and can laugh at myself.
This January day, the Dragon Very Lucky!!!

Just A QB

2012-01-14T09:01:00.004-05:00

I knew at some point, Timmy T, would roll into my blog. This big boy in Denver, has been the topic of global conversation. I have watched him for years take other teams to their knees, and now he is on his knees? Before the game, in the locker room, beside your bed, in church, but after every play? he is praying, its lost its holiness!!! His actions speak his faith, the way he lives is a witness to so many.Hitting the turf too many times for the lord, is getting creepy. Separation of church and state, includes football.I think its in the constitution??? Don't get me wrong, I love Tim Tebow. I happen to think he is a good quarterback, and a roll model for all ages. Tebowmania is refreshing, in this day and time, honestly it heavenly!!!! To blow this out of the water, is a disservice to him. He is just a kid, who believes Jesus is his rock, not a bad thing. The tebowing, maybe a tad much. My bracelet that reads, What would Tebow do? Ouch, blasphemy!!! What Saturday Night
Live, and Jimmy Fallon has done, took me to my knees laughing, I think god does enjoy a good joke, he does walk with us you know!!!! Jesus in tube socks, that is hilarious. We just have to enjoy the ride with this boy, have a little faith.
My prayer for today, " Timmy, Auntie Bonnie wants you to be safe, and make me proud, I do not care if you win." " Tim-bo, that is a lie, do what you do best, pray and part the waters if you need to!!!"

A Story To Tell

2012-01-08T14:29:00.003-05:00

Hollis Gillespie, my mentor writing teacher, said that if you write you will offend someone!!!! My idea of funny may not match another, keep writing. My heartache may not interest others from this world, write on. Typically a personal blog is just that, personal. Elie Wiesel spoke of whomever survives a test, whatever it may be, must tell the story. That is his or her duty. My short snippets of my daily life, do not hold the horrors of the Holocaust, just a story, my story.
This weekend I learned of a classmates death. Richard Cohee, was my friend. In fact he was a friend to all of us. Few people can traverse all groups of people in high school, Richard did. We called him Dickey Cohee, both names, it rolled off your tongue so easily. At one of our reunions, after a sweet hug, he told me, that I did not have to call him Dickey anymore!!!! I reminded him, that he was Dickey Cohee, and would forever be that to me. Richard was the name of a grown man, and I never saw any grown man called Richard!!! Forty years after high school, at our reunion hoopla, there was Dickey Cohee sweet as ever. The smile, from ear to ear, puffing on a big cigar, leaning in for a big smooch from me, and others. Dickey Cohee was my last date before I was married. We laughed so long and hard, I vividly remember howling over stories that we shared with each other. Of course we were young, there may had been other things shared, like a drink?? Some stories will remain MINE!!!
When I learned of his death, I screamed his name, his precious name. He will always be Dickey Cohee to me and I will cherish my story of knowing him.

2012 All Day Long

2012-01-01T10:46:00.003-05:00

My Emma said, "Mom, why do you always wear black?" Hmmm........pondered my few brain cells that are clicking. " Because!!!!" " Because, it's my favorite color, and I'm saying good-bye to 2011, and.....Steve Jobs was a very smart man!!" Black turtle neck, jeans or khaki pants, perfect uniform, makes me happy, enough said!!!
Life can be so hard, and after the loss of our son, harder. I have to will myself to live a full and happy life, it's work and Satan's kingdom must come down!!!! I love clothes, all kinds of clothes, shoes, the works!! I have a summer and winter closet, so why the Steve Jobs look?? Sometimes, I just cannot think about things!! In 2011 or in this new 2012, black turtleneck, jeans and new Ugg slippers, I'm a happy person!!! I am grateful for almost every second of every day. The few seconds that suck, I just block out anyway!!!! So this new year, I welcome with open arms. Wishing others strength to live their lives with joy, and a basic black shirt.

Note-above photos were not done by a professional!!!

Oh Holy Speaker

2011-12-23T13:23:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was our last Ho-Ho-Hum day at school, and normally a day to avoid. I drag myself through this day each year, shackled like Marley's ghost, thinking about what in the world to do with all these students!!! Candy canes dripping all over them and the floor, finals have been over for awhile, they have seen every movie known to man, what can a person do??? Someone did it right, and Oh Holy Night, the children were perfect!!! We had a holocaust survivor come speak to the entire 8th grade classes. In fact two speakers, but I only saw one. The LAST DAY of school before Christmas!! I know, I thought the same thing, how will this work??but work it did. We were all held in the palm of Mr. Benjamin Hirsch, as soon, as he walked into the library. He walked in with a slow gait, and a lifetime of memories, waiting to be told. You knew he had a story to tell, and no one moved. He softly told of his family's saga during wartime, and being Jewish. How his father and mother, and some siblings died in the gas chambers. He said kind words about his mother, who packed up some of her younger children, and placed them on a train, bound for who knows where, for safe keeping. Her babies went to neighbors or relatives, and the younger three boys went on the train to freedom. If you were over sixteen , you could not travel on the train, so I think a brother and sister stayed behind to die with their mother. My heart was racing with each word, that poured out of his soul. How does a human, a child grow up like this and survive, and flourish? Where is his grief, where did it go? He was six years old, and knew people wanted him dead, he was scared. How did his mother let some go, and keep the others, I felt myself about to hit the floor, wailing. Ben would not have allowed this in me, his strength and courage demanded me to be strong and listen. Which I did, and forever will be so grateful to have met him, shook his hand, and kissed his cheek. I cannot give this story justice, I can only say, we need to always remember the Holocaust, even on the last day of school, before Christmas.

Blogged Down

2011-12-18T16:56:00.004-05:00

It's the holiday season, and I'm up to my ass in alligators!! I'm blogged down, and filled with useless excuses for everything. You have to laugh, and you know I DO!! While lighting the many candles around my house, I needed to pee. So I took the matches with me, and wanted to multi-task, light the bathroom candle, as I sat. For some reason , the candle wick was "wicked out" and would not burn. I kept putting the newly used matches in between my legs, into the toilet. After three tries, and my last match was sinking in the toi-toi ( Aunt Peggy's name for the John), I just shook with laughter. I could easily have lit my hoo-hoo UP!!! Sometimes common sense takes a vacation!!!! Instantly I blamed the holidays. My fragmented, scattered thoughts could only mean one thing, all of this good material for my blog!!!
This weekend I had the pleasure of reading, Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as if it Were Your Last,by Dr. Lee Lipsenthal. A true gift, I encourage all living things to read it. I also think if you are nearly dead, have someone else read it to you. He reminds us to, have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves!!!!! He died recently from cancer of the esophagus. What a bucket of love he left behind.
Second I needed to get my nails done before Tebow played at four, see everything is squeezed into hacked periods of time, maddening!!! So off I went, before people in church, swallowed their communion wafer. I decided to have snowmen put on my thumbnails, its the holidays REMEMBER!!! She said, "You like?" So in my best English, " No, not really, you see snowmen do not have legs." "You want white legs, they were painted black?" " NO, no, no, I don't want legs on my snowman." " You want glitter?" " Yes, can you use it to paint over his legs?" Note to self, never ask a nail person from Vietnam to draw a snowman. By this time, I'm crying from laughing, and I should be addressing Christmas cards, but the spotlight shifts!!! The shame cloud will have to hover ( that line is from Modern Family, hands down the funniest show on this planet) because the football game has started, and I am having birthing pains! My boy Timmy Tebow is my shinning Christmas Star.
We are having doughnuts for supper, its the holidays!!!

The photo of my "crack head snowmen" is blurry, its the best we could do!!! Merry Christmas!!!

Equine, Can You Hear Me???

2011-12-08T07:04:00.004-05:00

NO ONE, amuses me, more than me!!! I laugh at myself, with myself, as the world turns.
Of course others laugh at me, and with me, only to amuse me more. However, sometimes.....its not funny. Such is the case, that my husband of thirty plus years, did not know I was a " horse whisperer-er". He laughed hard when I reminded him of this, and that is NOT funny. My children are aware of this talent, and some friends. The lady at the stables, whom I asked if I could brush the horses, knows my serious connection with these beasts. So when Cavalia 2/Odyeseo, opens the tent in downtown Atlanta this December, I expected this to be an easy Christmas present for me.?
"Why would anyone want to smell horses, for the holiday?" spoke hubby, without a clue!!! "Because your wife has the gift, and I think I need to be close to these creatures, they speak to me!" said I. "Have you ever looked deep into the eyes of a horse, BILL?" yelling ever so quietly!!! He is doubled over, this is not funny. I had to quickly rein him in. So I whispered......"I will go by myself, and experience the Equine Invasion, produced by the Cirque du Soleil people, knowing that "they" are calling me." " Do you think they have the wrong number?" I HEARD THAT!!!!

I Have A Bigger House

2011-12-04T13:43:00.003-05:00

November went out with my Emma saying, "Hart you should have been with us, mom lost it!" On this Thanksgiving holiday, I was ever so thankful for curse words. ( Do not read on, if you are easily offended!!!) Emma and I had gone to work out at the gym, the pumpkin was already hanging on my buttocks, so we worked hard. Driving home, early Sunday morning, good moods all around, when , the Jack-Ass, starts laying on the horn. I turned and looked, thinking someone needed our help, because clearly Emma(driver) could not turn left with oncoming traffic. I looked at Emma, with, WTF is this guy doing? Maybe it was an accident blow your horn move?? Three cars went by and Em proceeded to turn left, but it was not fast enough for Evil Knievel, and toot he did, long and loud. By now, I'm scaling the seats, "What is your GD problem, you stupid sh-t!" Emma begins to lock the doors, there is no where for him to go, he is stuck behind us. At the next light, Em turns left again, he swings past us on the left, I gently????leaned over, laid on the horn, middle fingers were exchanged. Emma said , "Maybe he has to go to the bathroom?" At this point, I hope he messed his pants. Emma said, " I wonder where he is going?" when he turned right into this seedy area. I rolled down the window, he was out of sight by then, but I screamed, I live in a bigger house, you d-ck!!!!! Honestly, I felt much better. I have never even honked a horn at a person, I don't understand where people need to go in such a hurry, nor what concrete jungle they have been raised in!!!!! I now understand road rage,and why I have never carried a weapon!!!!
***The above picture is not my house, mine is BIGGER!!!! so watch out!!!honking drivers!!!

Ornaments and Joan

2011-11-27T18:45:00.003-05:00

The holidays bring out the good tidings, precious memories, and still break my heart. I remind myself hourly, that I am not the only mother in the world to lose a child. Yet, I feel alone in my loss. Breaking the tape on the boxes of ornaments for Christmas, takes me to ground level, spread eagle, once again. I know the pain will pour out of me, and I am never ready. I am a Christmas ornament hoarder, each one touching my heart. Things that my little children made, squeezing my heart oh so tight. With the loss of a child, their things become a reminder of when they were with us, and what might have been. I do know ornaments do not smell, you see I have tried. Ward's St. Andrews duck from pre-school, no smell. His clay gingerbread man from first grade, without odor but a fingerprint, that I held to my face. His little red sled with the name "Thomas" on it, was the year he wanted his name changed. A tissue paper angel that I have rubbed the glitter off of her wings. Each child with an array of things to adorn the tree, thrill me, and take me to that 'mothers' place. Ward's mementos, his "things", keep him close, fully present in our lives. All these things add up to reminding us of what we have lost. It is the grief tightrope that I try to balance, some times it wins!!! When we lose that sense of the possible, even a tree seems without decorations, no lights. Sometimes I just step in with both feet, like decorating our tree and reading Joan Didions book, Blue Nights, at the same time. A story about the loss of her daughter. A mother who knows my heart. Who like me, knows memory fades, until we bring out the Christmas decorations, and we adjust. Thank you Joan for sharing your story, and letting me borrow some words. Thank you mom for teaching me to hang onto my babies stuff. Thank you Emily for sending me Adrian's artwork to hang on our tree last year, it has no smell, but I kissed it and hung it with joy!!!!

Men in White Coats, Not Yet!!!

2011-11-21T18:05:00.003-05:00

I have had the pleasure of loving make-up for many years. My love affair started way before Mary said "yes" to wearing the goo. Yesterday when I decided to "doll up" my Sunday face, something went haywire. I was a mess, I looked closely in the mirror and oddly thought the circus was in town. I studied each compact, foundation, tubes and bottles, wands and wonder, knowing I must have ignored something. My eyebrows were auburn, and I have no auburn brow pencil. I guess they were just too dark, Sophia Loren, I'm not!!! so I began to rub off some color. As I proceeded to wipe off, the red smear went all over my frontal lobe, causing me to fumble for my glasses. What in the world did I see, but lipstick all over the place, sweet baby Jane!!! I had used a lipstick pencil to draw me some brows!!! Is it time to call the men in the white coats??

Not so fast, an easy mistake for me and Helen Keller. I cannot see a wicked thing without glasses and I cannot put my eyes on, with glasses on, and FOR SURE you know I will not go without make-up!!! Having babies, full glory with make-up, sick as a dog, hurling my insides out, still with lipstick on!!! Its just a part of me, so I had a revelation. Two vintage glass bottles, with eye brow pencils in one, and the other with lip pencils?? This seems sketchy, I may need to label them, in BIG BOLD LETTERS!! and near my cosmetics, the number of the crazy nutcase people, in case of..........it could be anything, anytime!!!

Bucket List, or Is There a Hole in my Bucket!!!

2011-11-17T07:09:00.006-05:00

I always make, or update, my bucket list. I just have a problem, with delayed gratification, I want it now!! Maybe a bucket list is not the term I'm looking for?? My lists are daily, and they are LONG!!

My number one, bucket list request, is seeing the Northern Lights. The Aurora Borealis, comes each year, and I miss it. This year, the sight even stretched to the southern states, but escaped me. I don't know when it comes, I think it may come in October??? but I just cannot stare at the night sky, for months on end.

This may require some massive research and a change in latitude.

My family is well aware of my lists, they receive updated copies. Often they surprise me, with close to, things off my list. This week, my Emma, showed me a website, or youtube? video that the space station took of the earth, that is spellbinding. Five minutes of planet earth, and the Aurora Borealis, spectacular!!! Can I cross this off my list, hummmm....NO. I will wait until it comes again, these lights of heaven.

Thanks Emma Lea, and Bill it was not funny when I called the lights, something that sounded like the brown circles around boobies!!!

Don't Quote Me?

2011-11-08T07:02:00.003-05:00

Who says that? Quotes are for the taking, cute blurbs gone, grab them!!! My friend, Jamie R. has journals filled with quotes of the famous and not-so famous. At any time, a good read, in fact she let me borrow them while recovering once from surgery, a healing tool.
So when I stumbled , on purpose, upon this book My Life Is A Verb or Life Is A Verb or Verb Something!!! I became delighted at the authors own quotes, and those she borrowed to add 'good stuff' to her book. Here are, a mere few, to make you think, copy, and think some more.

Never confuse action with movement-

I can't imagine living life without a big wad of 3-by-5 inch index cards-

To be a person is to have a story to tell-
-Isak Dinesen
We are all only one step away from losing the stories of our lives-

Being practical and safe and always logical is very overrated-

Nine tenths of education is encouragement-
- Anatole France
How do we hold love for others, with no agenda?

Quantum physics tells us that the presence watching an experiment changes the experiment; the act of observing affects what is observed-

Perhaps(good word) we can recognize our way out of patterns rather than repeat our way out of them-

My favorite, JUST WAVE!!!! such a simple thing we can all do, just wave!!!!

I highlighted sixty-six wonderful words, sentences and quotes from this book. Life is a verb: 37 Days to Wake Up ..........by Patti Digh.

The palest ink is better than the sharpest memory.
-Chinese proverb

Read this book, and remember to wave. Everything, yes, is a metaphor. No quotation marks around any of my quotes, go figure??

What is Random??

2011-11-06T10:01:00.002-05:00

All my thoughts are random, taking the zip-line through my brain. The journey, the ride is often the Scream Machine, and at other times, the swan ride in Boston!!!!
This sweet November morning was no exception. Thoughts-It is dark outside, isn't it suppose to be light, that is why we changed the clock, right! Wonder who won the game last night? I need to bring the plants in off the back porch, its getting too cold? I have to address Emma's graduation announcements today, good luck with that. I cannot believe that little baby they handed me at the airport, is GROWN-UP, I think about her birth mother at times like these. She was a child herself, wonder where the paper is? Living section of the paper, see what books, I need to download on my Kindle? I may have to re-read some of the book that I'm reading now, The Night Circus, I think I like it, but its so odd, seriously where is this book headed? Oh I did download that Weil book, about Spontaneous Happiness, and it has not even been released, I hate that, What does Sanjay Gupta know anyhow? Need to go get my nails done, like my toes to look nice for the orthopedic doctor. I love this hand cream that I bought at the airport kiosk, sour cherry something, need to go on-line and buy some. Need to blog about all the quotes from the last book I read, Life is a Verb, and the author asked the reader to have a pencil or pen near while reading this book, I like that!!! I highlighted on the Kindle and still needed a pencil, yea!! Yard man, is outside, making too much noise for a Sunday morning, or is it noon? I have to go point to where the mums need to be planted, and I just need to say hello and Thanks.Trip to Boston next weekend, I have got to connect the dots. So much to do all the time. I miss Ward, its so beautiful outside, and Emma wants to know if it is too early to play Christmas Music!!! Life is.........everything.......pieced together random thoughts, or a blank page.......to be lived full tilt.

Heavenly November, and Then....

2011-11-03T07:03:00.003-04:00

Our temperatures in the deep south, have been heavenly. Cool at night, and sunny in the living time, reaching, stretching to hit 68 degrees!!! I can live with that. My mood has some perk peeking out, and then I remembered!!! This weekend we change the time, fall back, NOOOoooooooooooo.
Dark taps me on the shoulder at around four, and by five it's feeling like midnight!!! My mind requires daylight until nine. Cra-Cra, crazy people, vampire people love the dark, my throat is getting tight as I type. This will take some work, to keep my sweet disposition?, in check. I had just let my October slump leave, and felt some fleeting peace.

A dear friend, Perlotta, gave me an early Christmas present, from our friend Felix Doolittle. One she knows I love presents, early and I love ( and would lick if I saw in person) Felix Doolittle. The little brown box held a new line of his, necklace charms. His artwork to hang around my neck!!! not just on return address labels, and note cards!! Glory be!! She is friends with his wife, and they conversed about what charm would give me some peace,( I LOVE FRIENDS), Maria explained my loss of Ward, and Felix suggested the Buddha's meditation symbol, or prayer symbol. Thank you, all of you, who take care of me on a daily basis. AND Purwin, (person of many names) You also know, I hate this time change, You KNEW I needed this charm to help me with this darkness.

Heavenly November is here, and I will be fine.

I Got You Babe

2011-10-26T17:55:00.003-04:00

Dancing with the Stars and I are best buddies. There is nothing I enjoy more then dancing and singing, but this season, I have a bad taste in my mouth. I don't like people to fight, or argue, and certainly not for my entertainment. Last night it was pissy and we lost Chaz!!! Chasity, Chazina, Chaz, this is somebody's baby, Sonny and Cher's baby, therefore it is mine!!! When that baby was born, we circled her with love. Our embrace was a reflection of our love for Sonny and Cher. They say we're young and we don't know......I know we love Chasity Bono. We still love him. So much emotional feelings well up in me. A fountain of questions, worries, engulf me over this child. I don't want him to hurt, and the judges called him a penguin!! Only in a Batman movie are you glad to be a penguin,and that's a maybe. Words wound people. No he could not dance, but you don't throw the baby out with the bath water. He is on a different path, a journey that can not be easy, and he wanted to dance!!! I'm very proud of you sweet boy, I love you, all of you, as is.
I Got You Babe!!!!

Dance With Me

2011-10-25T07:00:00.003-04:00

Never have I been one to stay up late, so needless to say, we tape everything on TV. Maybe the correct word is record, Tivo? all I know is that when I wake up between 4:30 and 5:00, I can watch it all. So this early morning, Dancing with the Stars was my drug of choice. I was giddy, it was also Broadway night, AND Kristin Chenoweth was going to sing, happy Tuesday to me.
You see, in my next life, I want Kristin's voice and Bob Fosse to mentor me. Hours on hours, of jazz hands, with Bob and his cigarettes!!! and sing......I would not even speak, every word would be in song. Broadway baby, here I come, even from my perch in the den. My hubs looked at me from across the room and asked?? "What are you doing with your hands?" "YOU SHOULD RECOGNIZE THIS MOVE! " and.... "IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU DON'T, I'M PRAYING TO THE DANCING GODS TO SEND ME BOB FOSSE!" and " SOME PEOPLE CALL THEM JAZZ HANDS!"
( God love my Bill, they did not have the Bob Fosse course in Princeton!) ( my all cap letters have calmed down until) " Who is this Kristin person?" "OH MERCY, IT IS THE PERSON THAT YOUR WIFE SINGS LIKE!!!!"
XOXO

National Day of What?

2011-10-22T11:10:00.003-04:00

This past week, painfully busy, there was humor around every corner. Daily I'm amused by this crazy life of mine. Each day there is a National Day of Something. My favorite this week, was the National Handwriting Day. I was transported back into my first grade classroom, and Mrs. Miller. She appeared ancient to me then, and surely she was not. Maybe forty, but to this young five year old, one hundred, at least. She was pinched! Handwriting was the BIG thing in first grade, and the paper was soooooooo thin!!! My name, Bonnie Blackman, had too many m's and n's and two Big B's. My printing varied, some big letters, some tiny, some with hearts on it!! I practiced cursive, when Mrs. M wanted ONLY hard line letters. My t's were not crossed like she wanted. I wanted rhythm and she wanted no eraser marks!! I loved writing my name, over and over, ten million times?? I wanted to show her how well I could draw, NO!!! Bonnie, write fifty more B's and all the same size. Didn't she know I was worried about ants eating my lunch, and dreading nap time!! Also there were a couple of cute boys, I had my eyes on. She must not have known that we would all abandon handwriting, for computers many years later.
I do love to hand write notes, and a personal card, now and then. I'm never without many sharpened pencils, and have dozens of "special" pens scattered around. Mrs. M would still dislike my penmanship, but she would, I think, smile that I love to write. So on the day of National Handwriting Day, I turned on my laptop and smiled to the heavens!! Surely Mrs. M has gone to be with Jesus, she was so OLD!!!!

Unpack Your Boxes

2011-10-15T17:48:00.004-04:00

I am currently reading Life As A Verb. Savoring every word, reading it out loud to myself, just to make sure it sinks in. The pages are highlighted to hell and back, and at another time, I will review it for the multitudes. Right now I just want to borrow a quote, in fact a chapter title, Unpack Your Boxes. T.S. Elliot said, "The faith, the hope, and the love are all in the waiting." Let GO of the monkey bars and unpack your boxes. You will see why this spoke to me. Our family historian, my Emma, is on a mission to organize our photos, and there are BOXES!!! She has a plan, box after box, album on top of albums!! YEARS of our life, on paper. Piles, sorted and gathered in her grand 'stacker' plan. If it does not involve me, my response is "Go For It!!!" In Emma's world,"Go For It!"
means, show mom every picture and talk about categories!!! NOOOOOooooo..............She wants details, and then Hart steps into the mess, "Mom look at this!" I asked them if they understood, that looking at photos makes me sad. Not always, but all these baby pictures, and its fall and I'm in a funk of sadness!!!! Then this chapter title came to me, Unpack Your Boxes! It's time and Emma is in charge, I have to let go of the monkey bars!!!

PSS. The above photo is one that I kept in my pile!!!

Fall Stupor

2011-10-10T07:16:00.004-04:00

My head cold has traveled and now its all about the lungs. Fall and mold spores hate me!! Thus my melancholy mood. Where moods are concerned, I delve in, totally!!!! Why waste the moment, I put on my fall frown. I now swig Robitussin, and whine. UNTIL the mums arrive. My husband picked out six of the most beautiful mums, at my request, to bring some light around my world. He was going to home depot anyway!! He called three different times, asking about size, color and names of flowers!!! Always the research chemist!! Well he did good, and as thorough as preforming open heart surgery, his mum purchase was the turning point in my fall stupor!! I had a spark ignited and began to decorate for Halloween. Come on deciduous trees, I see Yellow and I'm not running!!!

Insanely Great

2011-10-07T07:14:00.003-04:00

I have recently read articles about Steve Jobs.
I have had the pleasure of watching news about his early life, and struggles.
I am, like others, fascinated by his genius.
He viewed things as "Insanely Great!" How many people start their day, with that outlook? A life with a plan A, B, C and maybe D!!! His short life on earth was "filled up!" with ideas, AND he acted on them.

An enormous life, that changed history.
I feel lucky to have been around to witness this technology "grow up."
Thank you Mr Jobs,
My son is in heaven, his name is Ward. I know you were a smart man, I want to believe you were a good person, so he can visit with you. He will be trilled to pick your brain. Tell him that his mom loves him so much.
I wish you peace,

Ward's mom

Attention Ward: Steve Jobs died. So young, I hate that. I hope he is heaven bound, or at least in your vicinity. Precious, enjoy the company of interesting people. I hope he brings an Ipad (is that what they call it?) to all angels and throws a few to "the others!!!" also. You know all people have stories!!!!!
You are so loved,
Mom

NyQuil in the AM

2011-10-04T18:01:00.003-04:00

October comes in, followed by germs. Sinus infection, bronchitis, aches and pains, with a fever to boot!!! It is just October 4th and I have been sick four days, help me Rhonda!!! Saturday and Sunday, my sloshing head hovered above my pillow, I was a prisoner to fall.
My weekend was ruined, until....my hub, who looks after me, yells up to sickbay, "Bon, Dr. Zhivago is on the tube!" I rolled over and perched, like a sick bird, on the end of my bed. I surfaced for air and "The Doctor!!" It is so important that the people you love and have trained, know what would make you feel better. Omar, be still my beating heart, heard my cough!!! My cry out for a weekend, saved. I refuse to go a day without singing or dancing, and this weekend I got out of bed, and spun around my room, to Laura's Theme Song! I know you are humming the tune as I type, it is a cure for all that is wrong in the world. Beautiful music, people who love you, Omar and NyQuil in the AM!!!!!

AN add on...Still coughing but going to work this am, when on the radio, Marvin Gaye began to sing. Sexual Healing, merciful lord, I started to sway. Quickly I decided to pay my respect, I pulled into the next subdivision, a car dance would not do. Oh no, I had to get out of the car and dance, it was total joy....or was it the NyQuil in the AM???? Come on fall, I'm ready.

I Smell Corn Dogs!!!

2011-09-27T18:22:00.003-04:00

September is on her way out, with October marching in the wings.
I smell corn dogs!!! State fairs are opening all over the country and Georgia has one on every corner!!!or so it seems. People have been making quilts and grooming hogs, hankering for a ribbon.
Carney people are putting the pieces together for the rides of a lifetime. The grease is hot, hot, hot and anything fried works for me. Cotton candy a mile high, and candy apples that will remain in your teeth for a week or two!!! Gold fish are swimming in tiny bowls, and tacky stuffed animals are only a 'ball throw' away. Oh how I wish, I still loved the fair. I love my memories of the fair, but going....not so much. I don't see things the same way, I'm ancient and I love hand sanitizer!!! The rides are all rusty and make funny noises. All the carney people freak me out, with no teeth and boils, beckoning me to "Take a Chance" on a prize!!!! I do love to look at the crafts and animals. I have a tendency to bring home pets!! We had a wonderful rabbit for years that I bought from the 4H club at the fair in Pennsylvania!!! I want to "Free Willy" and let the animals run free, and that may disturb the people on the "Bullet" or the "Roller Coaster!" I do miss the freak shows of my youth, Tiny Pete gave me nightmares for years. There was once body parts in jars, that crowds would surround. Fair memories will have to keep me company for one more October, and just maybe someone will come up with a candle that smells like a corn dog!!!

See You later Nicky

2011-09-20T19:13:00.005-04:00

I have been pouring through photo albums, and boxes of pictures, hunting for my cousin Nicky.
We lost him on Sunday, or maybe many years ago?
There was this one photo of all cousins stuffed into the house on Kenmore Street, I can not find it!! The more I look, the more anxious I become. There were photos of Nicky as a Lifeguard at Jacksonville Beach, in his glory, with all of his boys. I thought I had organized my pictures, but not one is within reach when I need it. There are photos of Nicky, and I and Becky Anding in a photo booth, where or where?? Oh well, who needs a photo, I have a lifetime of stories about loving Nicky. In fact, my charmed life, is filled with delicious stories about all my cousins. I think for years, I was not really sure if I were a Brown or a Blackman. Growing up with 'trunk loads' of cousins, affords me with endless material, that I cherish.
Bill and I met Nicky and my brother Benjie in San Francisco many years ago for dinner. He was stationed out west, and I think he left something of himself there. Nicky's life was very different, for the remainder of his days. Are there ever really any answers? I hope he knew we loved him, even on the crazy days. We all have crazy days, not just Nicky!!! that is for sure, and the love remains.
I choose to remember that young strapping lifeguard, who I claimed out loud and proud!! "Hey, I'm Nicky Brown's cousin!"

I did find one photo!!! of cousins, and brother, I also found one of me holding a doll!!! They were in the same box, I have no organizational skills!!!

OVERLAP

2011-09-16T07:03:00.003-04:00

So often I'm reminded of my youth, among middle school age children. After many years, I still can find a reason to smile, and tell them a story or two about my school days. You do realize my kids , ELL kids, are just learning English. So "my stories" may take on a whole new meaning. I can read their minds, "Oh that crazy Mrs. Baron, she tell many stories!!!" I like it when they shake their head in recognition of Kirby-Smith, or Andrew Jackson being mentioned. They know my friends by name, and my family members. They are my sponges, soaking it all in.
Just the other day, I was helping three boys with their social studies project. They had to do a collage on religions around the world. It was their lucky day!!!
"Boys you have hit the jackpot (confused looks on faces!), Mrs. Baron , Susan and Paula made awesome collages at the Partin house, many weekends." " I think Jude and Gail may have been there on occasion too!" ( Lost looks!) " We cut out out words, and pictures of Beatles and Stones(eye rolls), Fashion looks of the 60's and 70's!" (Hmmmm....when?)" Every inch of poster board covered and OVERLAPPED, in beauty!!!" "Go for it boys!, cut and paste, and listen to Crosby, Stills, Nash AND YOUNG!" They smile and make their perfect projects!!! No piece of paper is touching, they have cut perfect squares, measured where each one goes and I think ironed the piece!!! They smile and look at me, for.....job well done look!!! " Well, angels, they are collages of a different generation, a little wound tight (huh??), they are PERFECT!!!!"
I would give anything, if I had kept one of the collages us girls had made, I needed a visual!!!
Class is over, and they say, "Tomorrow? stories?" and I always tell them, "It's your lucky day! "

The All Night Deli is Closed

2011-09-11T15:33:00.004-04:00

All my research about getting rid of snakes, seems to require me closing down the all night deli, which is my yard. You see I feed all the animals, so I keep stocking the buffet table for these snakes. Chip and Dale live under my front porch, and I adore them. I even fixed there entry way with a broken piece of pottery, to look nice. Hart says they are as good as GONE!!! Not my chipmunks!! Damn snakes!! Thumper and her babies surround my yard, so I leave out carrots, so they will not be hungry and eat my plants. Love the wild bunnies, hope they were not last nights supper!!!
I have recruited my family to help rattle some bushes, but they are not willing snake hunters! I may have to drum up the ghost of Steve Irwin to help me, he wasn't just good with crocs!! I know Ireland is free of snakes, St. Patrick, I need thee. Surely, I can get a mongoose on e-bay, a real Rikki-Tikki-Tavi for a good price?
I'm not having a good time, with snake worry. But......I was thinking, some cute rubber boots!!!
To keep me safe, and cute.
Satan's serpent beware of the woman carrying a pitch fork wearing cute boots! I'm coming to get you.

SNAKES In The Burbs??

2011-09-09T06:59:00.003-04:00

When we were moving from Pennsylvania to Atlanta, I specified, do not want house by any water. I knew I was headed south, warmer weather, and snakes! Growing up in Florida La-La land, I have seen my share. Snakes and I love warm weather, but one of us has to go, and I'm staying!!! I hate snakes, I don't care if some are good and eat mosquitoes! While gardening in Pennsylvania, a garter snake showed itself to me, and I chopped that thing into a million pieces. I could have worked as a sushi chef, my hands were so agile and fast!!!
Yesterday we received an e-mail from our 'Stepford Wives' subdivision. Two Copperhead snakes found in neighbors yards. Do not let small children, or pets play outside. Stop It!!! Call Critter catchers, take some of the pool money and tennis court money and kill the snakes. Please don't send me an alarming e-mail without a solution!!! I ran to close the back deck door, and called my hubby .(who is from New York??do snakes grow up there??) " We have to call the snake people, Critter Catchers."( whom I have used before for bats, another story) OH!!( I also used them for raccoons!) New York husband replied, "Oh Lucy(lab) will scare them away!"..........I had to breathe...
"Lucy is a big baby and the snakes will get her and they may get you too for not taking this seriously!"
This weekend will be busy, I know how to use a hoe!!! Snakes be gone!!!!

Adrian's First Day

2011-09-07T18:19:00.003-04:00

Number one grandson started kindergarten yesterday, such a big step.
Can so many years have already passed? Uma singing "off key" all songs known to the world, as I held onto him for as long as I could.
One cold early morning, I sat in his room, holding him in the rocker chair. Looking at the frost on the window, and snow on the ground, explaining to him how much I love him. " Adrian, I must love you so much, because this Boston winter weather is for crazy people!" So many flights, to watch him grow, and now he is in school.
I remember that morning in the rocker, Emily saying, "You know you can put him in the bed?" She was a new mommy, little did she know how fleeting this baby time is. If I could wish for anything, it would be to hold my babies one more time. New mommies are so tired for sooooooooo long, they miss some things. I know this, because I did the same thing.
I do remember all of my kids first days of school, what they were wearing, and how glad I was to have some time to myself. My favorite time, was when they came home. I missed seeing Adrian go to school, but thanks to all these fancy cell phone cameras, I saw the smile. The first day of school smile, it only happens once.
His Uma is happy to be a part of this special day.

It It Wrong?

2011-09-03T18:22:00.003-04:00

September requires me to think about putting beach towels away. Then comes the sun-screen and its over. Each fall I go down kicking and screaming. Today I wrapped myself in a towel and sniffed it, like summer smells could be locked into the fabric! That did not work, so I opened up the Banana Boat sunscreen and went to sniffing!!! Is this wrong? I think not, maybe smearing the lotion on me, could seem different to some?? I know we have a good month left to sit out, but the air feels different. It's like a stealth jet, this fall, flying low looking at me. I'm nervous, people are starting to pull out sweaters, and we had a jeans day at work!Yikes, its too hot for jeans. Labor Day is ready to take all of my white shoes, and clothes away, is that still a tradition, no white after Labor Day?? Who makes this stuff up? The same people who encourage me to start looking at fall clothes in catalogs, and BOOTS!!!Give me a minute to phase into these things.
I need to get the coat rack off my back porch, with the swim gear and tell her(coat rack is female) it's time to change. Get ready for mittens, and scarfs and coats weighing you down. I bring her in the month of September to adjust, its not easy coming in from outside, for us girls.
I did buy Halloween candy, is it wrong?? and ordered my Christmas cards, I'm trying to lay out the welcome wagon.....even if it still smells like the beach.

A Very Expensive Dorm Room

2011-08-30T18:28:00.003-04:00

I have never held the title of "Superwoman", even though I have had Super moments!!!!
Working and taking care of a house, and people who live within, whips me.
My beautiful house, looks like a dorm room, with laundry multiplying as I type. My multi-task skills are used at school, and I turn into a vegetable when I open the garage door.
Dishes to wash, dishes to unload, shoes dropped all over these new hardwood floors!!!! Dog toys, cat toys, people toys lurk around each turn. Magazines and mail reaching near the ceiling, and it's OK. I fully embrace that I can NOT do it all!!!
My rumpled, messy palace gets cleaned on Mondays, and today its Tuesday!!!
Two loads of wash is spinning, we just finished supper, that all hands were on deck. Bill grilled, I made Broccoli and sweet potato fries. Hart took care of Lucy the lab, Tuesday and Thursday are his drop by nights. Emma did the dishes, the roomba is about to be turned on, three TV's are humming, chaotic joy. My charmed life, comes back into view.
We all can ,so quickly get overwhelmed with the little things, that we miss the big picture.
How many 59 year young women can still say they live in the dorms!!!

No Time To Think!!!

2011-08-25T18:48:00.004-04:00

This is the first fall that returning to school, I feel I may make it!! It could be a mirage, and I may crumble any minute. Each year going back to work seems harder, until I see my kids.
Incredible, brilliant young minds, learning to speak southern English. Children from all over the globe, wanting to learn. Middle school mega drama, with no English, has to be so hard. These kids of mine, find the courage to tackle it all. I barely could change my clothes for PE at Kirby, Miss Pate scared me!!! and I knew the language.
I have depended on these children to hold me up, these last four years, and they did. I forgot for minutes about my broken heart, and held theirs. Wiped their tears, instead of wiping mine. All of us learning so much.
Grief seems to be hibernating more this year. I have placed it on the top shelf.
Although grief seems to be in a coma, its toll on me as a person has been life altering.
Work saved my life, these little children, carried me through.
This is my first fall in four years, that I can feel peace.
My family at school, and my real family will celebrate my Ward's 30th birthday tomorrow.
Laughter and Love will fill the house and the halls of school, in your honor, my precious boy.
Who needs time to think anyway!!!????

The drawing was done by Ward, the superhero, flying over mom, many many years ago. I think he still hovers near!!!

Dog Days of Summer, Extended..

2011-08-22T18:18:00.003-04:00

My two boys were born in the Dog Days of Summer. Hot August birthdays, three years between. Thomas Ward Baron, August 26th, 1981, will not physically be with us for his 30th birthday, but we will celebrate his precious day!!!!! William Hartley Baron, August 21st, 1984, just turned 27 and we are "all caked out!" Webster defines the time between early July and early September as 'DOG DAYS" of summer. I define them as when my baby boys were born and my feet were the size of watermelons. Forever etched in my mind as the end of time(thought I was dying) and the beginning of life. I wanted those babies out of me, even if I had to reach long and far up "there" to yank them out. They were fully cooked, and I was done being the oven. Little, very little, did I know that my departure gate would not open. Two c-section babies coming right up.
My recovery plodded along like a sloth, but I was cruising on mommy la-la land brain cells, so it was all good. Both of these Bebe's never cried, because I could not put them down. I wanted to absorb their very breath!! My face lay buried in the nape of their neck, sucking up baby smell, praying it would last. We rocked to China and back, a millions times over.
My boys, and those sultry summer days, so MANY years ago, and so crystal clear.
It seems the not sleeping for thirty years has been blocked out of my memory!!!
Happy Birthday Ward and Hart, my boys of summer.

Photo of Hart, Ward and brother Brian

Are You Happy Yet?

2011-08-17T18:22:00.003-04:00

I think I may have read this book before, or I have read so many "Make Me Happy" books, that they are morphing!!! I picked this last summer book, to continue in my journey, to be a better person. It's hard work, and I'm already happy!!! The book, The Happiness Project:Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin. How can you NOT read this book, the title is worth the price. My desire to ooze happiness, did not happen, the book annoyed me. Honestly not all of it, she had a plan for herself, and she is just sharing information, I get it. Do we need a plan? I guess it's ok, to set some goals? I think happy people don't search to be happy? My shrink once said, " Bonnie why do you think people need to be happy?" "No one is happy!" I loved that doctor!!! For years we fought over our opinion about happiness, he finally gave in, and I sent him a bill!!!
Happiness is all around, and you just have to give it a comfortable seat at the table!!! Each night, I thank the lord for my bed, I love my bed, it thrills me. Good shoes make me happy, and diet coke. Hair color makes me jump for joy, friends, family, animals. I love to open a new tooth brush, hold a baby, happy hold my heart.
I just did not feel it from this book. There were many good quotes in the book, that I will steal, and I thank her for that. Like Garrison Keillor saying, "we all fancy ourselves to be above average" love that line. Also "Everyday life seems so permanent and unshakable but, as I was reminded by these writers, in can be destroyed in a single phone call!" I have lived that sentence, and happiness found me. This quote, "Happiness is a how; not a what. A talent, not an object."
I choose to live a big life, giving and giving more. Using it up, wearing it out, all day, everyday!
I have a plan!!
So did this author, and I think she is happier for it.

It Has Been A Long Hot Summer

2011-08-13T17:26:00.003-04:00

Before the movie began, we were sitting through the movie previews. Something that I usually enjoy, until I smelled horses!!!! I looked at Bill, and carefully asked him, "Do you smell horses, or horse s_it!!!!??? He looked at me with disbelief, and I got on my high horse!!! " They are making movies with smells these days!!!" and I do have horse whisperer powers!!! It was a strong smell, lingering. Did I mention there was a Spielberg preview about horses on the screen!! A true sad/happy horse story, and I smelled them!!! He laughed for a long time, too long!! I just blamed the heat, its been a long hot summer.
Many friends have expressed their hopes for fall to come quickly. Not I, my anxiety level is high, and its still mid August. I savor summer until the last bead of sweat falls. My house is warm, ac stays on 78 or above. I like the doors and windows open, the sun streaming in at all times. God don't change the time back, I need light. Summer is not finished with me yet, sweet summer stay.
I know its only a matter of time, and I do love the smell of pumpkin pie. Christmas delights me, and going back to school, well...its time.
Hope all my brain cells have not been "cooked" and my sense of smell has not been destroyed!!!
I find great pleasure in my ability to smell things, especially during previews!!!
Did I forget to tell you, I smelled fried chicken during "The Help?"
Praise Jesus, the heat did not get me yet!!!

Photos of the new movie coming out, "War Horse"

Not The Love Boat

2011-08-10T16:48:00.003-04:00

Just returned from the ocean , on a big boat!!! My girl wanted to go on her first cruise, for making such good grades in her last year of college, I could not say no. So off we went. I had been on one cruise before, but that was before babies!!!
Many things I enjoy about cruising, and much that freaks me OUT!!! I love people turning down my bed and leaving me chocolates . Who doesn't?? I like when complete strangers know my name, after one day!!! Some semi-nice lady said, "Well, you know your name is on your sail pass(that you use like a charge card!)." I knew that, I just want to believe they know me, and are glad to see me!! My coffee lady, even knew I was Emma's mom!!! That is a great skill, and it says volumes about how much coffee I needed!!! I like dinning, and getting dressed for dinner. People act better when they are dressed better, fact!!! Now some of the gag moments. How about ugly people? I have never seen such people, with there guts hanging out, and no teeth, and PURE bad looking people. I was worried that there was something in the water. Not too much later, there was something in the water, a beyond skinny, too tan, drunk lady with an enormous open sore in the pool!!! So much for my pool time. The heat was so intense, that I had to take a dip, and then scrub my skin off, so the germ-germs would not choose me as a host!!!! Time to order a beverage, and it was only 9:30 am!!! Our excursions were informative and fun. I did start praying in the straw market, in Nassau, like a Pentecostal preacher! That these poor hot people, did not have to weave bad souvenirs, for all of us tourist!!!SO..I bought a fan that said, "Praise the Lord in the Bahamas!" We had fun in the sun, and did not hit any icebergs! I would have liked to see Jack coming down the banister, maybe another time.

Main Street Drive-In, 1967

2011-08-08T16:00:00.003-04:00

My girl and I just returned from a sun-baked cruise. My blog list is long, but it will have to wait.
After not seeing a newspaper in a week, I began my morning routine turning the pages. The Atlanta-Journal Constitution Living Section, is my number one piece. Hubby grabs the sports, and we throw out world news. (CNN covers that info) I love useless information, and its never useless!!! Page two, celebrity birthdays, Dustin Hoffman is 74!! I could read no more. I was frozen in time, at the Main Street Drive-In, with my high school love. The Graduate was the big movie out, and I was going with HIM!!!! He asked me if I had seen it, and of course I lied. I had viewed the movie twice by our date, drooling with my girlfriends over Dustin Hoffman, and seeing sex on the big screen, Huge!!!! I was so excited to finally get to make-out with HIM, little did I care what was playing. We sat close to each other, both of us young and nervous. OK, he was nervous, I was about to eat him up, when Dustin Hoffman came onto the screen. I lost myself, AGAIN, to his sweet innocent self. This was one of the most important dates of my life, I was a young girl in love, and we were at the drive-in!!! The speaker crackled on the window, and my heart sunk!!! I'm in love with two people, one in this old black car and one in the movie, what was I suppose to do??? Kiss and watch the movie, it can be done. Sweet memories, came rushing toward me this morning, with the thought, Dustin Hoffman is how old??? The Graduate will always remain one of my all time favorite movies, and that night at the Drive-In on Main Street, I'm still thinking about it forty years later. Here's to you Mrs. Robinson, Happy Birthday Dusty.

Weeki Wachee

2011-07-30T07:43:00.004-04:00

The car is about to pull out of the driveway, and I'm thinking maybe they had better leave me at Weeki Wachee Springs!!! Water seems to be my only relief these days for my springtime broken leg. Or did it happen in Winter?? Seasons run together, probably for the best?? Doctor V said this week that I could NOT take 2000 mg of Advil a day. Listening to doctors, not a strong personality trait of mine!! " I have to walk doc." She preceded to ask me if I wanted my kidneys to work for a few more years, and my stomach to stay in one piece??? "Of course but........I would like to walk also." I explained that in the swimming pool, all leg pain ceases. She had lost eye contact with me at this time!!! So I had to come up with a plan. Vacation was inching its way to be today!!! How am I going to function??? Is Weeki Wachee still around? Maybe they will hire me, to be a cougar mermaid!!!!! Thinking about it made me smile, I'm still smiling. Glorious water and a few puffs of oxygen now and then. Ship leaves out of Jacksonville, wonder if they will drop me off??? Can you use a cane under water??

Birthday Wishes

2011-07-26T14:57:00.003-04:00

Soon to be 59 years of age.
August 1, 1952, in pea green St. Luke's Hospital, Jacksonville, Florida.
Each year I celebrate earlier and later. I'm now deep into July, and have received two gifts !! My people know me so well, no delayed gratification lives here. Not only do I "Happy Birthday" myself for months on end, I buy myself some treasures. I started today with some darling cereal bowls, two skirts and some flowers. A bunch of Gerber Daisies, for the birthday girl. You see I have learned after so many years, to buy my own gifts, and many!! There will be cards and sweet things coming for days from friends and relatives. I love them all BUT...I'm prepared if there is a lull. This is my last year in the fifties, so I have bought extra. It is just the right thing to do, and smart. Realistic expectations of humans, sometimes falters. I want to be fair, so I don't expect much, and I'm always pleasantly surprised. My people have jumped on the "Birthday Train" with me, and enjoy the silly, hoopla of celebrating for days!!! It just makes you feel so worth it, happy to be alive for another glorious year!!! Treat yourself special and see what happens.
Happy Birthdays to my dad, who turns 80, Susan and Paula my friends for life. Summer birthdays!!

How Many Books? How Many Days?

2011-07-24T13:26:00.003-04:00

One Hundred Names For Love by Diane Ackerman, started my reading binge last week. It is a story about a stroke, a marriage and the language of healing. Brilliant book about living, in all its pitfalls and glory. My highlights on the kindle, are very random, and will not help you understand the story. They are amusing in their , out of context, form. He collected words like rare buttons. When you can't, toss drop cloths over everything, lower the heat to save energy and allow a sedated overseer to take charge. We all need a sedated overseer from time to time!!! Who knew what lay ahead. I laughed at myself remembering Dorothy Parker's quip: "What fresh hell is this?" awesome. I felt tired as wet sand!!! store this in my memory bank. Never before did I have to store someone else's trauma. Words are such small things, like confetti in the brain, and yet they color and clarify everything.Women ply the rapids of language more easily. Can you see the rhythm of this writer? Creativity is an intellectual adventure into jungles where jaguars of sweet laughter croon, with a willingness to double back, ignore fences, or switch directions at the drop of a coconut. This intimate story, touched my heart, made me cackle and required me to read slowly. July has afforded me several other jewels, A Good Hard Look, by Ann Napolitano. A novel about Flannery O'Connor's hometown in Milledgeville, Georgia with all of her wit and peacocks. Southern crazy and perfect. Sarah's Key by Tatiana De Rosnay, full tilt different from the other two books. This book may haunt you, and it will hold onto you forever. The Holocaust continues to make us examine humanity. All of these books were delicious, I ate them all up. You can feast on them also, that is what sharing is all about. Share with me some of your favorites.

Chupa What?

2011-07-23T10:52:00.004-04:00

People all over the world love their kids, and on some days hate!!! My children crack me up. Not crazy, crack up!that I take care of myself!! Funny crack-up children, is what I have.
This morning while checking my e-mail, I saw a rare note from my Hart, number four son!!! Telling me about a boy in Texas that had killed a Chupacabra. A what?? This beast of lore, hangs in Texas, and a kid is toting a gun, I'm in!!! I love the stories, the make-believes and could be real stuff. My precious ones know this. The Lochness monster, Big Foot, Dragons and Fairies, UFO sightings and now Chupacabras!!! There was a picture, I have to believe. I replied back to him, knowing he would not be up for HOURS on a Saturday morning. Dear Sweet-Hart, "I think it is a hairless Armadillo, or maybe a werewolf-cat???" Love, MOM
This may require some research and a road trip!!!

Bring Back The Dreads

2011-07-18T13:32:00.003-04:00

Each summer I seem, to fall in love with a few special things and people. It is something I look forward to. Last summer, with all her cupcake glory, Katy Perry kept me singing. This summer I have loved Steven Tyler's new song, and his new-old self delights me. Bruno Mars causes me to smile, and nod my head like a monkey, who has nothing to do!!! I would take a grenade for him!!!! So cute, in that "Little Anthony" sort of way. I needed more.....summer tomatoes can only fill a void for so long!!! When I heard on the tube, that Lenny Kravitz had a new cd coming out, and his new video was about to play. The summer gods were about to shine on me, L.K. is on my bucket list, for MANY reasons. I sat on the end of my bed, like a school girl. Then I fell off the bed, sobbing, what that heck am I watching???? He is dressed up in wigs, and there is a "Let's Make A Deal" theme, and the song is horrible!!!! Who took Lenny Kravitz? Where is his guitar and tight jeans? Bring back the dreads. Where are my tomatoes, I feel the shakes coming on, and Lenny is not the cause!!!

Go to you tube and watch it. If I knew how to copy and put it on my blog I WOULD NOT, it's a crying shame.

IT'S A DUCK!!

2011-07-17T11:49:00.003-04:00

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and waddles like a duck, and it has baby ducks, IT'S A DUCK!!!!!
Walking through the landmines of conversation with families can sometimes be explosive. Especially when some of us, just say what is on our minds. There will be casualties. I have never done "restricted conversation" well. My filter switch stays loose, and out it comes.
I would not change anything. In the south, some practice, "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing!" Those people have ulcers and bowel problems, for holding in things. My plan is not to wake up and see how many people I can hurt. I want to be an instrument of peace but.......there are things that need to be said. My brother says( he can say what he wants!!), "Its how you say things, Bonnie!" Really!!! How many ways can you say, "It's a DUCK!" I guess I could say, " Oh my your duck looks so much like a duck, it must be a duck?" or "Is that albatross you are carrying, a duck?" Words have power, and I respect that. I also know that being heard shows respect, even if the other person doesn't like what is being said. We need to agree to disagree, and call it a day. Not talking, quacks!!!

Hello Down There!!!

2011-07-14T09:11:00.004-04:00

My yearly tits and ass inspection is due today.
Break out the glitter powder!!
To examine ladies "hoo-hoos" and "ta-tas" all day, every day seems a drag, so I like to light up their world a tad. Stickers, glitter, all that sparkles on show in the stirrups. Legs are shaved, toes are painted bright blue, and I'm shinning. Doctors and nurses will smile, and me too. It makes an unbearable medical procedure, more like a carnival ride. My inner thigh sticker today is a flag, I hope they appreciate my patriotic theme. Each year they want to hear the shower story. You know the one about me thinking I found a horrible lump in my breast, and it was just an earring that had become stuck under the mountain!!! It fell out of my ear at night and somehow??ended up in the valley of the dolls!!! Also many will ask, "Where do you find this glitter powder?" Its private, just like my parts!!!

Tolstoy and the Purple Chair

2011-07-10T10:32:00.005-04:00

Searching for something to read has never been a dilemma. My kindle is stacked high, along with some stray, real books to quench my desire. Libraries, book stores, bestseller list, kindle stores can guide me. Persuade me to choose, this or that. What thrills me most is the prize read that I have picked out, totally due to book cover and title!!!! Such as, Tolstoy and the Purple Chair, My Year of Magical Reading, by Nina Sankovitch. Magical reading, or purple chair? hard to say what grabbed me, but it wasn't a review that I had not read. Never heard of this author, like the name Nina, I have been known to pick a book because of a good name, you never know?(long run-on sentence, makes me happy also!! so don't squirm) So last week, I sunk into my spot, and buried myself in this grand book. It is briefly about a women whose sister dies. She vows to read one book a day, and write a review, to honor their love of books. Sort of??? It is so much more, it is about living, and circumstances. Values of Experience, real or imagined, is that it shows us how to-or how not to-live, a highlighted line in the book, by me. Some others that required an underline or two were, I lost faith in the future. I took my sisters death as a sign that the whole world no longer waited for me. Also, My life is a reflection of her life. I will anchor myself with her life, and not her death. Death took choices away from her, but not from me, and I choose to live on with her beside me. None of these quotes mention books and reading, confused yet? How about this line from Henry Ward Beecher, " A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors." That better describes what reading provided for this woman, her year of reading. We race through life, filling our lives and others with lists of things to do. Sometimes we need to just sit still and read. If you are lucky, you have a purple chair.

Hot July

2011-07-05T16:47:00.004-04:00

Most celebrated the 4th of July with a flurry of fireworks. I looked at my yard.
You see, it has been four years since my boy died, and there have been no fireworks since. Many things ceased to be, after such a shocking loss, and my yard was one of them. I could not find the will to turn over dirt and plant something living. Grief had me weak in the knees, and heart. This year is different, things are blooming and thriving. If there were words to explain this, I would write it, there just are none. I can only say that I see beauty all around me, and I'm not mad at it. You see grief not only makes you sad, but it carries anger in that bag, then hangs it on your neck. I could not understand why the world could grow and be beautiful, when I hurt so bad. Of course the hurt has not gone, it has just be replaced with something. That something doesn't have a word either, and yet I still try and explain it!!!! Life is about growing, learning each day that mistakes will be made, but still look for the lesson. My yard gave me a signal, this hot July day, pay attention and celebrate like the 4th of July!!!!

Pool Time with Esther

2011-06-30T16:59:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my first ever water aerobics, with Miss Dian. ( suspicious of people spelling Dianne this way!) Since breaking my leg in the spring, this is my lot in life!!! Me and the other Q-tips( names of old women with white hair!) trolling the waters, to fix our aching bones. It involved splashing and noodles. Then there was music thrown in, and pilates moves under the water. Honestly, it was awesome!!! The spirit of Esther Williams came upon me. I was spinning and stroking as if I were in a "B" movie. My other Q-tip friends were not nearly as animated as myself. Did they not know how to swim to music?? They were older than I, they had to know Esther. At times I was looking to see if a platform was going to raise me, in all my glory, out of the water, to swan dive into bubbles!!! I practiced my mermaid moves, and having my hair turn just the right way, to look nice under water!!! Miss Dian commented, that I seemed to be having the best time. So glad she caught my moves, but why is she asking me to stay after class??? Maybe she thinks I can teach the class, maybe she sees Esther in me? Miss Annette( I decided to change her name!) wanted to know if I had any questions? I only had one. Where can I get a crown to wear while swimming, and do they make body glitter that is waterproof? My second class is tomorrow, I'm going early to practice, me and Esther, queens of the pool.

Time to Chat

2011-06-26T18:33:00.004-04:00

This week it has been my privilege to dine with friends. Lunch ladies, at a beautiful home and a restaurant without a name, time to chat.
Wednesday, with a hired driver, we all had lunch with some of my favorite people. Miss B's home welcomed us with open arms, and love filling every square foot. I have been to many a mansion, and this home was the most gorgeous, lived in and on, precious house of love. I confess to loving the occupants, little did I know that I would also love all the walls in the house. The feeling of peace was palpable. Each design element, hand picked and pondered about, and it was PERFECT. The yard was flawless, the animals divine, and my time spent with my girls, a feast for all my senses!! I had to take a joy nap when I returned home. My heart was so full, and my tummy too. Mid week lunch with friends, who were not in a hurry.Heaven.
Come Friday, I was meeting a friend from high school, for a late lunch, in Buckhead, Atlanta. There was no Natalie, my driver, in sight. I took hold of the steering wheel and just drove. We had no where to go, just time on our hands, and love shared between us. The restaurant, had a name, we were too busy talking to notice. It was quiet, and our tongues wagged for several hours. It takes many minutes to catch up after forty years. We were so comfortable with each other, and laughed with ease. We finally ate a bite or two, and took some breaths, again lunch with a friend, heaven. I'm convinced that at this time in all of our lives, we did not have to hurry to get back to young children, or any children, husbands or not, work or retired, it was the lunches shared at the perfect time and place. I'm so grateful, to have had this special week. We need to all make the time for each other more often, after all It's heaven!!!

Color Kitten

2011-06-23T13:00:00.004-04:00

My earliest memory of reading is my obsession with The Color Kittens book. To this day, I love and labor over paint samples. When I grow up I want to work at Home Depot's paint department!! The pop of the paint lid when it opens, divine. The free paint sticks, to stir and stir some more. I love paint, it changes everything. So in a minute, I'm headed to the Depot, to chat with my men about colors. Some people have a basket of apples, my basket is filled with samples to choose from. Glorious colors , separated by merely one shade. As I type, my eye wonders over to the table, where the colors are spread, sixteen shades of Chocolate, and I'm leaning towards a molasses color!! I purchased the white for the fireplace last week, it's called Beach White, I hope it comes with the smell of the ocean!!!! I also grabbed a can of sea green/blue, matted yummy-ness, to paint a table. A woman with a plan and a paint brush, and the month of July on the horizon!!! Color Kittens, thank you, from this little girls heart.

All Aboard The "D" Train.......

2011-06-17T18:15:00.003-04:00

My quest for reading about dysfunctional people continues, and its awesome!!! All Aboard!!!
Not only am I reading about them, but my travels took me to a movie about them also. Plus+++ the writer and director, is high on the "D" list, Woody Allen.
Now back to my reading, The Paris Wife by Paula Mclain, Hemingway's first wife. I love reading about Hemingway and I certainly "chew on" anything about his many wives. Also why very bright people with alcohol problems and egos shooting through the roof, are so depressed. Yes he was in a bad war, but...its the writers and artists that seem so tormented. Being in a war just gave him and others more stories. In the prologue it mentions the question, why they could not stop drinking or talking or kissing the wrong people no matter what it ruined. These young lovers lived in wonderful chaos, beautifully blurred and happy. Extraordinary lives, Paris in the 1920's, Hadley Hemingway was in the thick of crazy and in love, not a good combo, but what material. I finished consuming this book on Thursday and on Friday headed to the movies to see Midnight In Paris written by Woody Allen, whom I love!! Yes I said it, I love Woody Allen. I know he married his stepdaughter, which was a step up from Allison Mackenzie, (remember Peyton Place??) aka Mia ( too many children) Farrow. That waif nearly ruined him. So he found happiness, I have had to block it out of my mind!!! He is brilliant and DEPRESSED and crazy!!! One of those, off the beaten path, clarinet playing fools, that live on the edge, and make me happy to be alive!!! The movie was true Allen form, I enjoyed it. The main character goes back in time and meets all the greats, Hemingway, Zelda and Scott, Gurtrude Stein, Picasso and Monet, and many other odd, souls. He himself is a writer, and wants some feedback from the greats. This all takes place in Paris, and the setting is beautiful. Also, If you go, listen to the music, I think Woody is playing his tune!! What is dysfunctional anyway? and to whom? All Aboard!!!!!!

Dysfunctional is Normal

2011-06-13T12:21:00.005-04:00

This summer, my reading path, seems to be following every dysfunctional person/family on the planet. I am walking straight into the "light" ( I think the light may be a bug zapper) with eyes wide open. These people, overly smart and creative, are messed UP!!!! Their lives are train wrecks, and I have pulled to the side of the road to watch!!! Reading My Father by Alexander Styron (www.amazon.com) was one of the best "D" ( Major dysfunctional) books, so far and I think I may need to re-read it!!! I have yet to learn how to highlight on my kindle, so now......I have to re-read and highlight all the best stuff, and stuff there is!!. William (Bill) Styron wrote Sophie's Choice!!!! need I say another word? Reading My Father is written by his youngest daughter, which I like even better. A child's point of view in the family is pretty accurate. Now if you ask the older siblings, they may see things differently. It would then be their accuracy. Children write the truth, their truth. Bill Styron suffered from major depression, and wrote masterpieces. He was a drunk without apology, and a tough cookie. His family felt the sting of mental illness in the family, washed down with some joy-juice. Cataclysmic breakdowns, break down the family. Mr Styron did feel guilt and shame, MUCH later in his life. The question remains , did his family care? I'm so interested in how families rally and take care of each other, during the most horrific situations. Some families are so scared, yet some breeze through it. Dysfunction haunts everyone. His daughter describes him as remote, melancholy, inspiring fear and loathing in his children. This same man, was a genius writer, and left us so much. A novelist, with awards coming from the global arena, visited mental hospitals like we go to Starbucks!!! The fine line between a nutcase and a gifted writer, merged. He wrote with brilliance and lived like....the only way he knew how....crazy, depressed. The family survived and loved him, somehow, in the end. This books, makes me want to read Sophie's Choice this summer, like I said earlier, I'm on a spiral to crazyville!!! I think reading others, not so shinning moments, makes your day to day, hullabaloo seem like a piece of cake. The human parade, as Alexandra wrote, is in all families. We just may march to a very different drummer.

A Plethora Of Useless Information

2011-06-08T17:41:00.003-04:00

Having the summers off, affords me time to read, watch and pile up so much information!!! My personal time of research. It's life altering joy, that I intend to share, which makes it double-JOY!! Two documentaries that I have seen in the last couple of days, everyone should watch. One on HBO was called, "How to Die in Oregon." Keeping one foot on the banana peel, ready to slid into grief, I did not think this would be something I needed to watch. However, people and their choices about life and death have always fascinated me. Like abortion, its a hot topic. Where God comes into focus, his will. I seem to remember he gave us "free will", something about living with our choices. It's all a personal decision. My thoughts are that you make the decision to end your life if you wish BEFORE the pain kicks in. During my first bout with bearing a child, I hollered to the nurses and doctors to KILL ME!!! put a pillow over my face, I'm done. Pain can make you crazy, so I'm glad they did not have the right-to-die law passed at that time. If you, want to choose at the end, when the end will come, and you are racked out with pain, drink up. This documentary was beautiful, leaving this earth with grace. Something to view and think about for sure. This film won the 2011 Sundance Film Festival, grand jury prize.

Much to my surprise, this early morning either on Starz or HBO, not sure, another critically acclaimed documentary about the Sherman Brothers. Who are these brothers??? They wrote every Disney song known to humans, and many more. AND they worked together all their life in unhappiness!!! Their horrible discord and turmoil, brought us MARY POPPINS!! how does that happen??? They had estranged families who did not even speak to each other, and they wrote Jungle Book Music, It's a Small World, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!!! Family baggage, history, dynamics of big time dysfunction and Chim Chim Cher-ee and Feed The Birds!!! Fascinating info coming my way, because I have time to look for it!!! They wrote the music for Charlotte's Web, Winnie the Pooh theme song, and The Tigger Movie. Tom Sawyer and Bedknobs and Broomsticks!!! Millions of songs, millions of awards and they were depressed!!!!! Wonderful stuff, take a minute to scan the channels. Book reviews tomorrow, I'm loving the summer!!!

Summer Produce

2011-06-06T16:52:00.003-04:00

There are many of you who grow your own. VEGETABLES, people. Tomatoes the size of Kansas, peas and beans and onions, and the likes. Not me, I have a "Tomato Man." Many men have crossed my path, praise Jesus!!! but the "Tomato Man" is high on my produce altar. When summer arrives, the tent goes up, and the unpacking begins. Corn, that he shucks, take me now!!! and shelled butter beans and white acre peas, ready to cook. Hallaluyer!!!!! Tomatoes stacked in small baskets, waiting to be chosen, putting on their best shine. Yellow squash scattered on the table, and sweet onions strutting their stuff. I stroke each one, and ask where they have come from. My man, has the answers, and he knows I only want Florida Strawberries early. Don't pretend those Georgia peaches are ripe yet, and South Carolina's are not in yet. He thinks its funny, the fuss I make over these jewels. Especially, when I begin to hum church songs, when I make my purchase. I don't miss not having a garden, as long as I have my "Mater Man!"

***DO not rub, stroke and lick yellow squash in public, wait until you are home. Do not fall down on your knees, near the cooler holding the shelled peas, while your husband is waiting in the car, he may get out of the car, thinking you have fallen??!! wait until you are home to hold the bags to your bosom !!! Just saying!!!!!!

Thirty Years

2011-06-05T11:03:00.003-04:00

We are all God's children, not just some of us.
Aids turns thirty today, and we have made a dent. A dent, is not big enough, we have to keep up our fight.
I have worked with aids patients, for many years. The suburbs and a friend, caused me to "do something!"
When HIV was new, and aids whispered about in alleys, I had friends that had aids. I walked in many a aids walk , with kids in tow, never afraid. My Stepford neighbors would say, "Aren't you scared someone will touch your children?" " Oh, I hope they are touched! in a million ways!" One day, some friends and I had returned from a market day, and we all had to pee-pee. Seems like an innocent story??not when one of those friends had full blown aids. A neighbor said, " You did not let them use the bathroom, did you?" "ARE you kidding me, educate yourself!"
My friend in Florida, lost his wife and child, and lives with HIV, he is my hero and love. I work for him.
Our church had an aids group, which was a great surprise, since they shunned gay people.. So I joined. Feeding aids patients, visiting them, Mother Theresa here I come.
My first visit to introduce myself, and see what they needed was Rwanda. I thought I may, not live. Of course these people were poor, but in Alpharetta Georgia, this poor. Lord help us, our backyards. I walked in and the man was laying in the bed, in a fetal position with roaches all over the bed, the wall, the floors. I asked his wife what I could bring them, and she gave me a list of items. I asked when I could bring these things back, and we set up days and time. I then returned to Timothy and said, that I would be helping him, but we had to do something about the roaches, or I was going to throw the food at the curb!! He smiled, he did not know me yet!! I sat on the filthy bed, and looked him in the yellow of his eyes, "I'm not kidding, this is no way to live or die, this changes today!" His wife agreed that I could purchase roach motels, it was a start. In two days, I went back, still parking out front, so I could run to the car, in case of drive by shooting!!! The house was cleaner, and Timothy was sitting up in the bed, not a roach to be seen, and eating some. I went to his house for the summer, fall and winter and had a Christmas photo of the two of us, which one day I will find and post!!! All my children met and brought food to Timothy, until he moved up north to die with his mom and dad. I think his wife went to jail for drugs, and he had to go home. He called me several months later, knocking on deaths door, to thank me, for touching him. Not touching his heart, touching his body. Holding his hand in that roach infested death hole, looking at this drug addict, black young man as one of God's children. Thirty years later, and we still have to touch people, we must. Aids, Diabetes, Mental Illness, Cancer. We are required to make a difference. Just ask Timothy!!!

Changes Come Too Often

2011-06-02T18:10:00.005-04:00

Whirling by is June, its the second, today!!!
May is a lost month, winding down the school year, always a blur.
My sweet June should linger, embracing me with her heat. The hot August heat is upon us, and my June is so in a hurry. She needs to slow down, drink some sweet tea, and stay awhile. I need a minute to adjust to summer days, and chew on the changes around me. Whenever school comes to a close, several days pass before I can find my "footing". My son, daughter-in-law. two grandsons returned to Boston on Tuesday, the house changes when they leave. It's a welcome quiet, but the missing them soon begins again. My school year ended this year with one of my team teachers retiring, a big change. We enjoyed, in an odd way, a very interesting partnership. Her not being around, on a daily basis, my loss. Another teacher, whom I team taught with, in Social Studies left for another school, closer to her home. She is young, smart and I learned so much from this kooky teacher. Her style, infectious, a gift to all who were lucky enough to pass her way. Too many changes this May, and tomorrow will be June 3rd!!!!
Namaste damn it!!!!

What Do You Keep?

2011-05-22T15:46:00.003-04:00

This past week, we packed up Ward's bedroom. Bill, Hart, Emma and I asked each other, "What do we keep?" When someone dies, I think the question becomes bigger. When it is a child, very big.
This day has been four years in the waiting. My dread was heavier then the task. I sat on his bed, and touched every piece of his ratty clothes. Folded his underwear, knowing that it was to be thrown away. His torn and tattered jeans, were firmly held near my heart. I kept a pair, along with all his years of artwork. Portfolio after portfolio, from kindergarten through college, a lifetime of art. I think, long and hard,did he know he had a gift? Hart kept a few things, he has hoarding issues!!! We had to laugh, or die. He found some long, lost comic hero cards, that took him to his knees. Bill stayed strong and quiet, so worried about me. Later he told me that he kept Ward's little wooden medicine bowl, that we placed his pills in, since he was little. Medicine was a blessing and a curse in Ward's life, I'm glad Bill kept his bowl. Emma was my helper, making sure that I saw everything, she would pass me over boxes, and then direct "the others" where to place things. Good-will, garbage, back in the closet, or to our personal piles, she was the boss. Ward would have laughed!!! We survived, and after two days of thinking I may need to visit the crazy place!!! the depression lifted. I have thought all week, about things that people choose to keep. We are all so different, what comforts us. I think there are very few objects that are of any importance, its the love that stays. Its the love we keep. It's the love!!!

It's Normal Idiots

2011-05-14T16:44:00.003-04:00

My travel time to work, runs three to five minutes. Trust me when I say, many thoughts can run through my brain in that short span of time. I usually amuse myself daily, with my random roaming and detours of thought patterns. This out of nowhere blast of info this week, was so sweet. I tend to think, it may have been brought on by so many people having babies.
After my right turn, I thought, out loud!! About how much I delighted in nursing my babies. If I could just have one hour to hold them to my breast, and kiss the tops of their heads. I would sit for hours, holding them near me, feeling their hearts beating so close to mine. My cups ran over!! The nursing bras were hideous, and never really covered my torpedoes!!!! When the babies cried, here came the mighty Mississippi of milk flowing, nothing would stop the leaks. I did not read in any baby book about how all my clothes would have big wet circles of milk on them. I nursed in public and tried at first to be demure. That lasted about a day. People would have to get over it, and they did. Benjie, my brother, being the one exception. We were in San Francisco, at a restaurant, and 'B" screams, "You are NOT going to take those things out, are you?" " Not only am I going to take "them" out, but I will leave them out to air, with no baby hanging on them, if you even flinch again!" We still laugh about that dinner!!( Love my brothers so much..) Ward nursed for over two years, he was attached!!! When Hart came around, I informed him at an early age, in the hospital, that mommy would not be nursing forever, so start sucking!!! Emma being adopted was different, I wanted to hold a bottle and let Bill hold one also!!!
My drive to work, was flooded with sweet memories, a great way to start the day.
The gesture of my hand on my heart, or was I trying to feel if my milk was coming in???
Just a memory.....

Mother's Day and There Are Still Clothes In the Wash!!!

2011-05-08T19:59:00.004-04:00

The question that haunted me all weekend was, "What is the best thing about being a mom?"
Of course, I could not choose one thing, not with raising five semi-angels.
Being a stepmom was one of the hardest mom jobs I had. I wanted to be a newly wed and get to know my husband, and he had joint custody. Plus I became pregnant a few months into the marriage. I was a 28 year young girl, thrown into Cirque du Soleil. I had two prayers, please god get me out of Pennsylvania,(truly just cold weather!) and please let me learn to love Bill's boys. It was the learn as you go, mom job. I hung in there by a thread, and some days made a noose. SO many changes in my life, and in theirs. I remember Brian one night wanted to sleep between Bill and I, and I asked "why?" He said that I always said my bed was "warm as toast!" Brian has forever made me laugh, he helped me be a better mom. Keith was so serious, graphing his Halloween candy!!! He taught me to keep working hard, that one day I would call him my first born favorite, and forget that he did not come out of my womb.
Ward came into our world, screaming, never to stop. I loved him so much that it hurt. One day when I asked him how his day at pre-school was, he said "good" in his little boy voice. Then, digging deeper, I asked what did do at school today? He was so small, twisting his hair and grabbing at mine, he said, "your hair mom, I thought about your hair!" I cut a piece of my hair, and placed it in his hands in his coffin, still my little boy. Loving him so much, that it hurt.
Soon there came Hart, four Baron boys, and a seasoned mom by then, or so I thought. Hart was and is pure joy. When he was little, I found a bugger(I don't know what else to call them!) on the bathroom mirror, I screamed for the person that had done this horrible thing, to come clean and confess!!! Of course no one did, but Hart did tell me, I should know that it is not his!! because all of his are under the top bunk bed!!! I love these kids.
You would think I was done, but no no no!! I wanted a girl, and I wanted to adopt from India, so we did. As soon as Hart was born, I think we started the paperwork. Our first daughter, Ami Grace, died before she came to us. We were her parents for about six months of her life, never to see or hold her. Her picture is near my bed, she took a piece of my heart with her, and gave me strength to adopt again. That is how our EMMA came to be. My girl, so brown and petite, and sick!! They could not find a vein to hydrate her in the hospital, I told her then, "Look kid, you survived an ashram in India, and made it to us, you are going to live." Emma Lea Reshma Baron completes our family. She is the last of our five to graduate college this December, we are proud parents of all. All five Baron children made me a happy mother, a crazy mother, a sad mother, a proud mother, a very tired mommy and a mom who still has clothes in the wash!!! It never stops, and that is my favorite thing!!

On The Fence

2011-05-02T18:30:00.002-04:00

There are many, many very evil people in the world, are we just going to shoot all of them?
Bin Laden has died, and I'm not sad. He took a path of terror and fanaticism, he will not be missed.
To celebrate his death, like Carnival in Rio, is too much.
I think somehow he wins, to die at the hands of "The Americans" the true people who invade countries, and are the aggressors. His words, not mine, but I do pause in thought.
I don't think there is any closure for all the people who lost loved ones on that September Day. It's just a different day, grief still lingers. I think I would have preferred to capture him, and learn more about my enemy. My head tells me, that would have been impossible, we have searched for so long.
Now can we leave Afghanistan?
Bin Laden was just the brick at the top, now what happens?
I fly the American flag proudly. My love for my country is NOT unconditional, that is why I vote.
We are a Global family, remember that.
Where is the Peace? Never when you fly planes into buildings killing so many, or putting bullets in one or a few, in a land far away.

Life is a Handful of Short Stories, Pretending to be a Novel

2011-04-30T17:44:00.002-04:00

I love the quote, that is the above title of this blog. I wish I could recall where I heard it or saw it in print. Oh well, I'm going to use it up!!! April is coming to a close, and I want to let you know what I have read this month. My kindle reads have been:
1.Reading My Father-by Styron
2.The Brain That Changes It-by Doidge
3.Jesus of Nazareth-by Ratzinger
4.Heart of the Matter-by Griffin
5.Georgia Bottoms-by Childress
6.House of Prayer-by Richard
7.Swamplandia-by Russell
And finishing up, All that is Bitter and Sweet-by Judd
To a great degree, you can tell much about a person by what they read.
My reading is all over the place, scattered and skirting around the box.
My personal blog is just that, about me. Narcissistic as it seems, therapeutic it is. What began as a tool to explore my grief, has grown into a personal journey for me. So I end this month with my reading log. My ideas or opinions are just that, mine, but they also may inspire you, or entertain you?? This site gets about 100 hits a day, so somebody is clicking the "on" button. A few have entered whatever is required to be a follower, which is neat. (Truthfully, I don't know what that means? Follower??) ( But thanks, I think) I hope my communication has been clear, and sometimes shady. (not sure how to spell irreverent ??) (don't trust spellcheck) ( Is spellcheck a real word)( see what I mean, all over the place!!!)
May will find me, god willing, blogging my prose, thoughts and crazy antics. Celebrating life and its unpredictable behavior!!!

Royal Rumpus

2011-04-27T18:58:00.003-04:00

Where are my pearls? I have some elbow length gloves somewhere, our boy is getting married!
Diana's little prince, will say "I do" this very special Friday.
I will certainly pull out my "Sunday Best" dress and watch the royal rumpus.
It's history and a whole "lot-a" hoopla going down in dreary old England.
Thrilling, jolly time coming early in the morning.
Tea and crumpets will not be on my menu, but coffee in my grandmother's best china cup will. Pomp and majesty, my desires fulfilled, and the crown jewels! All young and old, little girls want to be a princess. Watching someone become one, works.
My father detests "The Royals", I know he has been squirming. You turn on the television, and news crews are busy, giving us details!!! I can hear him now, "Who do "these" people think they are?" " Will someone tell me, what is royal blood?" He makes me laugh, his first born daughter eats this up!!!! Romance and mayhem fascinates me, "these people" are not much different then all other dysfunctional families. Aren't we all regal, and members of nobility? I wish Diana were around to see her boy, I think she probably is.
My best wishes to any new couple, taking the plunge. Especially to the new bride, those crown jewels can get heavy, put on your big girl pants and wear them well!!!!!! We are all watching.

No Farting in The Easter Parade Movie!!!

2011-04-25T18:25:00.004-04:00

The Easter Parade was on yesterday, still fresh and beautiful. Fred Astaire, light on his feet, and not a fart in the air. Judy Garland, did not use the "F" word or belch like a beluga. Lovely and enchanted entertainment, count me in.
As of late, bodily functions, are front and center. Television, commercials, and movies reek with potty humor. While watching, Dancing with the Stars, Hines Ward let out a big "boom" during practice with his partner. Edit that, I don't want to hear farts on a dancing show. There are entire movies about tons of sh_t!! Loads of diarrhea, hence the title of the movie, JACK-ASS. Yes, I have seen it, and knew what I was in for, I expected gross things. Its the random stuff, that is out of place.
Curse words have become common, and I hate that. No one loves good "Naughty" words, more than I, but every other word is F_ _K!!!!It takes the kick out of it, and then its worthless. People have overused my favorite words, what is a person to do?
An example, Water for Elephants, this past weekend, was better than the book. Then "F" this and "F" that, while shoveling circus shi_!! I was anticipating the elephant to scream, "Leave me the fu_k alone!!" as she pooped all over the wide screen, with surround sound. Sometimes my imagination needs to work.
Last night while feeling safe in my home, a commercial with Sasquatch farting on a campfire, caught my eye. Are you kidding me? Then we were catching up on taped Fringe episode, and a character "passed gas" in a chemical hazard uniform. Why can't people keep farting at home, among their family members? Why all the bad words? Bring back Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire, a little more courteous, gracious, respectful, tactful, civil, polite, well mannered feasts for my eyes and ears. No F's and F's allowed, or at least....put a cork in it, both orifices!!!!

Any run on sentences or grammar errors are on purpose!!!

Holy Week, Easter Love

2011-04-18T18:48:00.004-04:00

Easter week stirs up something in people. The flock returns to church with priests and preachers, getting busy. The colors of spring all about, and Jesus not hanging on the cross. Religion at its glory, and you know I like all the fuss. Some people need to be reminded. I love all the love, Easter love!!!
There is love, and love-love, then there is LOVE, LOVE LOVE.
Degrees of loving.
Easter brings back memories.
I should have known, when the person on the other end of the phone, said, "This is a blast from your past!" Oh Lord, was my thought, and then I listened.
One of my loves from my youth, church loves, wanted to meet me for lunch. Sure, that would be great, then I hung up the phone. Thirty years had gone by, maybe more, what does he want???
We had dated , off and on, from my 7th grade to 10th grade, at church!! All dates were in and about church activities. He knew I had school boyfriends too! It made sense to me. There was just one big difference, he thought I was "the one." What is the world is this lunch going to be about? Age surely has mellowed both of us, and he is now a minister, he has to not hold a grudge!!! He was the preacher's son, he was making plans for me to be a minister's wife, in middle school!! Maybe it's just lunch?? It's never just lunch!!!
We hugged, and sat to eat, trying to catch up in between bites. I held his hand, and told him, I realized that this was hard for him, and to just say whatever he wanted to say. He asked me if I could ever have been a preacher's wife? "Really?" me, organized religion, you made the right choice . He smiled. Then he asked me if I ever loved him??? "Are you asking me to marry you, now?" we laughed, but I knew his heart hurt. Of course I loved you, and still love you, and will always love you. He then said, " What degree was, is that?" I took a big swig of wine, and yelled JESUS in my brain, "Well, not Easter love, but love, love." This precious, sweet moment for me, was different for this friend of mine. Some closure was needed, maybe for both of us. We were both so grateful for having been in each others lives, and proud of who we had become. We hugged for a long time, and then he said," Do you remember when you put a picnic basket between us driving home from the beach?" NO I don't!!! and let's not dredge up anything bad. We both smiled, and I think understood.

You Gotta Have Friends!!!!

2011-04-14T18:02:00.004-04:00

Even as a little girl, I had best friends, Nancy Gamble and Mitchell. We were all of two and three. Then there were church friends, Paula, Wally, Debbie Moulton, and more. Friends for life. Elementary school friends, into Junior High, and High School, people I adore. Work friends, and having babies together friends, neighbor friends, so many more. These people who have come in and out my life, are the very threads that weave through my heart. Every age that I have ever been, a friend has shared it with me. Friends know EVERYTHING about you, and that is what they love. At a moments notice, with years in between, they are at your front door. Time stops, and you so freely continue to love each other. E-mail, a phone call, a card here and there, precious memories, new and old flood my brain. Susan and Melinda, Dianne, Lynn and Kay, Gemma and Purwin, some of you I saw today. Malia and Jamie, a phone call away, we need a visit, an adventure, soon, we say that anyway.
Some days you just feel so lucky, and that is today. Could be the sunny warm weather???? or my sweet message from Doug, or that tomorrow is Friday??? Right now I'm believing its the friends in my life, who touch me to my very soul. You know who you are, no lists or names are needed, each and every day, I love you all, with all that is me. PS...I'm not ruling out the weather for my mood!!!!

We Are Different, You and I

2011-04-12T07:16:00.002-04:00

I wake up every morning for the past 45 months, knowing my child is somewhere else. The universe, heaven, ashes to ashes, just not physically here. My feet dangle over the bed, and I want this to not be true, and it is. Yet I continue to pray, for what? That is the great mystery. I remain a parent in grief, and that makes us very different.

I go to bed every night, pleading or praying, sometimes they merge, to see my son in my dreams. Laughing, young or 25, he often comes in the night, ever so briefly, but I see him. Forever can be a long time.

Mary at the foot of the cross, let's me know that maybe I am not so different after all.

Spring Hazard

2011-04-10T14:37:00.003-04:00

The Masters Golf Tourney is on the tube, and even if you don't care about golf, the course is magnificent. Spring in Atlanta and surrounding areas, is the masters work. Hence the title of the tournament!!??? You never know?? or you do know?? White and Pink dogwood, azaleas deep into the woods, bulbs and birds, beware the hazard of me driving a car. I tend to be in la-la Spring land, and have been known to stop, at the beauty that is all around me. You have to stop, the wisteria reaching out to grab all passing cars. Layers of colors, how do these golfers concentrate? I have trouble going a block. Yes, the pollen is horrible, they have drugs for that. I will inhale deeply, and still go outside. Leave the windows open, and suffer through this glorious weather. It is so worth it.
I may not have an ocean near by, but I have yellow pollen, inches deep and flowers blooming all about, AND The Masters on the tube. Heaven, now let me check out, the Benadryl is kicking in!!

Being Nice Counts

2011-04-06T18:22:00.004-04:00

Daily I'm reminded that people who work the front desks, around the world, have issues. In fact, many people, who work with people, are not nice.
Today was my doctor's appointment, and the front office, is scary. Bitter souls, spitting out information, and me still in a cast!!! Who are these people's parents??? I want them to lean over the counter, and call me "Honey." Maybe just a smile, and can I help you?? I was sure their heads were about to spin!! When cute Jeff, the nurse called me back. He was tanned and remembered I had trained him from my last visit!!! He took my purse!!! I had to teach him this bit of niceness!! So this visit he was ever so personal. Also, the x-ray technician, was so sweet. She had a tweedy bird voice, and I did not even fault her for that, she was kind. Then the long wait, reading bad magazines, that I'm sure had been sneezed on!!! When my bone man, smiled his way into the room. Telling me that I'm an A+ girl, YES he said girl!!! Looking at my foot with wonderment and joy!! He was working the room, and I was happy. It is not too much to ask!!! He also told me, that I could do therapy at home(He knew I would not go anyway!!) and he asked me what else could he do for me?
I thought long and hard.....hmmmmm......Nothing doctor, you have done it all, being nice counts!!!

Give Me An Inch, and I Will Take Route 66 To California

2011-04-04T08:37:00.004-04:00

Nothing I do is ordinary, good or bad. Go big, or stay home, fits me to a tee. The only thing that saves me, is I'm PARTICULAR!!! and getting older. My spring break is this week, and already I have done too much. My inch was bypassed on Saturday. The weather was nice, and we were expecting company, so my body went into motion. Still in my albatross of a cast, I wanted to clean, make sure guest rooms were beautiful, pantry was packed, and look forward to my company.
Tulips were out, daffodils too, and I need to rest. Martha Stewart has left my building and is not coming back.
We had a couple of days, of talking and more talking, and then some more. We ate, and laughed and held back some tears. Deep friendship does not require a lot. It's comfortable, and relaxed.
I begin Monday with many things to do, an inch at a time!!!
This weekend reminded me, to take pause, and fold the map away.
Route 66 will have to wait.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame..........

2011-03-30T18:01:00.003-04:00

Batter Up!!
It's soon the beginning of baseball, and I feel hope swirling in the air.
You see I'm nearly landlocked here in Atlanta, and I need some sun. Sure we have some lakes and rivers, no ocean in sight. I need to get my "sun-on", and the baseball stadium will have to make do! This time of year, I go to the ballpark, to sun. Only day games, in April and early May. Only if the weather is perrrrfectttt. I also enjoy about three innings. Some may think it is an expensive date, since I like good seats. Optimum sun seats, are not cheap!!! and only three innings, oh my. That is not the whole truth, I love to watch a great pitcher with a fast breaking ball, or a "to die for" change-up. I have been known to hog the binoculars, and inspect a few tight ass players, in those stretch pants!! I have followed, The Reds, The Yankees, The Phillies, The Sox, and now our Atlanta Braves. I even wrote Johnny Bench a letter once, but that story is in the vault!
Baseball is too slow a game, to idle for me, so I have to find things to entertain me, pretending to enjoy every minute. It's family time, it's my duty. It's also my family's duty to know mom's expectations. Three innings, check.
Will stay longer, if a few nice bums are around to look at, check.
Likes bad ballpark food, check.
Will talk to all kinds of people at the ballpark, check.
At any time, may break into song, check.
Swing batter,batter, swing........I look forward to another season, Go Braves!!

Utter Rapture

2011-03-24T17:50:00.004-04:00

This has been my first week back to work.
I still move slow, and with a few "tools" to help me walk, get around OK.
Work, brings me, joy and laughter. Thrown in with some big time "crazy", it has always been a healing place for me. There is something sacred about the middle grades student, like hope is still possible.
I enjoyed leaving early all week, to nurse myself, and reflect on this Giant Broken Leg Saga and my luck?? When.....
Just this week, I felt utter rapture, as I watched Robert Redford and Barbra Streisand,on Oprah!! If my leg had not been broken, and I had not left early to come home, I would have missed this, heart stopping, Way We Were, two people I love!!! Mesmerized, I sat and held my heart, like at any minute it would stop. Robert Redford sends me over the moon, I thought at one moment, he could see me through the TV!!! One of my very favorite movies, The Way We Were, I have never recovered from. When she touched his hair, to move it from his forehead, mother of god, life altering love story. Seeing them together elicited so many memories, youthful hope. My Bobby, My Barbara, My luck!!

It's Raining MEN!!!!

2011-03-19T19:30:00.003-04:00

I was making my decent downstairs this morning, on my butt. (Broken Leg, if you have forgotten)
When to my delight, "my men" had arrived.
You see, I have been idle for six weeks, barely able to move.
So my computer became, my feet through the yellow pages.
I had two groups of, non-speakers of English, in and out of my house at 7AM, on a weekend!!!
AND they are working on Sunday, at the Church of Bonnie B's.
I will pass out rosary beads, if needed. Read from the good book, and speak in tongues, if they will just finish and let me back in my house.
It would have been easier, I think, to move into a new house.
My family is unaware that this is just the tip of, my raining men!!!
The rocks are coming next weekend!!!

What is Luck?

2011-03-17T10:09:00.005-04:00

I love the color green, and give me a celebration any day!! Happy Saint Paddy's Day.
Will it be lucky for you? Is there a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? I'm, intermittently certain, that you will find marshmallow shapes in the Lucky Charms Box.
Luck is a funny thing, that I'm not sure of. I feel lucky, but it could be the meds talking!!!
The more realistic luck, I think, we make ourselves.
I keep my eyes open, and I seem to think everything is lucky??
I have a broken leg, unlucky. Being home today to receive a phone call from a best friend, so lucky.
Broken leg, feeling helpless and lonely. Emma home from college for a whole week, to help me, and have fun with, so lucky!!
Going to the physical therapist yesterday, not lucky or unlucky, just life!!!BUT....a magazine article, featuring Jeff Bridges, that was wonderful. So much so, I had to take notes!!! He has a note taped to the top of his computer which read: Is This Task Absolutely Necessary To Keep My Life Afloat? I love that!! Also yesterday, when glancing at the paper, I saw where Bob Dylan will appear, do a concert, in Ho Chi Minh City in April!!! I had to sit down, I felt so lucky to have lived in a time where I heard him sing anti-war songs in the 1960's. So lucky to still be living to hear about him singing these same songs in Vietnam, so many years later. The Times may be Changing????
So about the luck? I think you have to look for the clover, and tip your hat.

Help, I Need Sombody, HEEELLLLPPP

2011-03-13T09:32:00.003-04:00

I'm convinced you can find a Beatles song title, for any blog I do. Such a simple thing brings me so much joy. Now if I can remember the blog????
Asking for help, is not fun. I easily can tell people what needs doing, but then they think I'm being bossy. Is being bossy wrong??? Assertive doesn't sound nearly so bad. SO! I'm assertive with a smile. Southern charm, goes a LONG way. Thank you ever so much.
However asking for help, is not in my vocabulary. Being a mom, wife, friend and daughter, I have held my own. Taking care of others , doing for others, with ease.
Breaking my leg, I have been at the mercy of my family and friends, and it's strange.
Even during my grief, I wanted to handle things on my own, still do. Yet each day I'm reminded of all the outside help I need. This week I received an unexpected package from my high school friend, Judy Ivey Senen. A book on grief from CS Lewis, A book on prayers, and a box of candy. She has not been a part of my life for forty years, with a few cards here and there. Out of nowhere, people can touch you profoundly. The same day, my cousin sent me an article on Lent, and a charm either made by an Autistic person, or the money from the purchase went to Autism. All in Ward's honor. My working friends, have brought over food, and chatter. Food for the body and mind. Bill, Emma, and Hart have been my Big helpers, doing silly stuff for me, and hard things also. Asking someone to wash your hair for you is not easy, but Emma did a great job and blew it out for me. Its not easy to be on the receiving end sometimes, but know I'm very grateful for being so lucky, so very lucky. I know there much be a song title from the Beatles to end this blog??? Please, Please me oh yea, like I Please You!!! Maybe there is not a song title for everything????

Les Miserables

2011-03-09T08:04:00.003-05:00

My doctor said, " Bonnie, you are in broken bone prison!" Note, he said that after I gasped at three more weeks, of no weight on my right leg and ankle. I explained to him, that I have used all my 'wits" to entertain myself. He then "petted" my new boot. I looked around the room, to make sure I was not at the vet's!!! Don't pet me!!! Give me some ideas, when I remembered we had taped Les Miserables!!!!
I have not had much pleasure in watching the tube, but last night Bill and I had watched the 25th anniversary of Les Mis. As usual, we also taped it, or recorded it??? I never know when I will not sleep through most of any program. The performance took my breath away, voices of angels. When I happen to look over at the couch, Bill fighting off sleep, I asked this question. Bill, Bill, BILL, (I think he was asleep) " Have you ever had any desire to sing?" He, so surely, said, "NONE"
I just don't get that answer!! I think to sing, in tune, would be so perfect. It has been a life long desire of mine. "How can you listen to these people singing, and not want to get on the stage with them, and SING?" Because...." You would always beat me to the stage, and I like to see you happy." OK, those were not exactly his words, but I know what he was saying.
So leaving the doctor's office, feeling defeated, I knew when I got home, I would sing every song, and not feel so Les Miserables!!!!!!

HGTV, Hallalu-yer!!!

2011-03-06T10:29:00.004-05:00

Seriously there is nothing on TV during the day. So I have started a "love fest" with HGTV. You still remember I am a non-walking mammal.(broken leg problem)
Having always enjoyed a good home makeover, has now gone to bigger and better home and garden fix-ups!! and my family is very afraid!! " Mama has her tape measure out, and is chewing on the end of a hammer!"
We have lived in this house over twenty years, and it needs some work. Every room needs a little tweak, and HGTV is guiding me. So I now have a folder!!! Yea, with pictures and notes, and color swatches!!! Holmes on Holmes, Curb Appeal, Design on a Dime, How to Sell This House!!! SO far the yard is getting some new sod, and a dry creek bed??? Hardwood floors to finish off the main floor, a new deck, new lighting fixtures, Plus mucho painting, and this is just a marble in the bucket!!! I'm looking at the hardware on the bookcases in the den, as I type, need to put it on my list. Restoration Hardware is calling my name!!! I want to paint grandmothers dinning room set, but that is still in the dream phase.
Yesterday the boys, (beloved and beloved son) took down our old wood swing set, it was time. Never the less, I had to look away. No more babies, and the grandchildren would not want to play on "Uma's" old swing!!
Change can be uncomfortable, and at the same time renewing. I think they may need to add a HGTV shrink program!!!
So on this rainy Sunday morning, I have a plan, and that makes me feel better!!! Now if I could just get a sniff of Home Depot!!!

ahhhhhh, March

2011-03-02T09:31:00.003-05:00

March sounds better!! March sounds confident, a sign of surviving. My back door is open, and even though there is a chill in the air, I feel a warm ray of spring. Birds are busy, and visit me, laid out, on the deck. I sat outside yesterday, and prayed without ceasing. The lock was off the vault, and I had a "coming to Jesus" moment. To express my being thankful and a few questions thrown in.
I promised not to watch any more news, about Gadhafi ( doesn't that sound like you have coughed up something bad!) or Charlie Sheen!!! You see I have been having bad dreams, and I think it all comes from the news. Giant Mother Cooter pythons taking over Florida, kept me up for nights!! No more news for me. Only Glee, American Idol, or Dancing with the Stars!! I will begin March with a song in my heart and a dance in my, one good leg!!!
I go see the "bone man" on Monday!!!
March, it's going to be good, I can feel it!!

Dog Level

2011-02-27T09:13:00.003-05:00

The sun is saying hello this Sunday morning, and I see things!! Not dead people, dust and stuff that needs to be done. You see I'm stuck at a dog's level. My view is different, and my list is growing. My caretakers are trying to tell me, that some things on my list, do not qualify for their job description. Really, do I need a fog horn?? When I'm rolling the walker over dog bones, and toys, they need to be picked up. Lucy needs her dog bed "fluffed up", these things make me feel better. Every morning I have to ask certain people, to open the shades, don't they see these things? The poor cats water bowls, look like the sewers, you have to clean them!!! and put fresh water in. Do we live in the same house?? I suggest that they come sit with me, or crawl up the stairs, or use the walker at the pace of a snail, change your view level!!!! I asked my people to blow off the back deck, three weeks ago, "WHY?" they ask, no one is sitting out there now. BECAUSE I can see it, and the details make a difference. When you are stuck, and unable to move, you want to do everything, and its not possible, and its hard to explain things, like..... " Hart can you go to the laundry room, and get a new tablecloth for the deck table?" MOM....., also feed the birds...MOM...
My family continues to go above and beyond to help me, and keep me smiling. Putting a fall tablecloth on the deck table, when clearly it is almost spring, they try. I asked Bill to sweep the kitchen, you could feed Somalia with the crumbs on my floor, and he was so proud to say, " I did that yesterday!"
They are not up for sainthood, but to me they are pretty close.
I did notice that all my pens are missing, beside the barge ( my place of healing)(really just a big chair!) do they think there will be no more lists???
Not only does my list grow, but I have started putting them into categories, and folders!! My sweet son, was using some of my prayer beads, he is getting desperate!! God love him!!!
At any level, laughter heals.

I'm Sitting Right Here!!!

2011-02-24T08:47:00.003-05:00

As Harriet would say, "My Beloved!" she makes me smile. Smiling has not been on my face much this February or in my heart, but then I think of a few people and my face hurts the smile is so big.
MB(my beloved) told me last night, that he has missed my blog. That is so wicked sweet Bill, but I'm sitting right here!! What do you want to know???Then I reminded him of my February woes. " What do you want me to write about?" How long it takes me to get to the bathroom? How long I have not worn make-up? OMG, who is this person talking?? Who is this broken leg woman, and where is Bonnie? So I woke up this morning, with a new spirit.
I wanted to reflect on some of the things I have experienced during my claustrophobic cast days of despair.
1. The Kindle has rocked my prone position!! Me, often fighting change, is loving this machine. I like the way it feels in my hand, I like that there is NO delayed gratification, want a new book, CLICK!! it's there. I suggest to all readers, who love books, and think that they can never release turning the pages of a book, or the smell, give it up! This is a miracle machine.
2. Pandora.com, another brilliant idea. Type in a favorite singer and or song, BINGO they make your very own radio station. All the music that is similar to the singer you typed in, playing, no bad songs!! No reason to change the radio station. Wonderful!!
3. Food being served on a monogrammed bed tray, makes all things taste better. Attention to details, even if its just a granola bar!!!
There are many more plus +++ things I have learned, while healing. Most important is that I still have a voice, and my beloved still likes to listen to it!!! or at least he pretends, and that still counts!!!

An Easy Target for Somali Pirates

2011-02-20T15:57:00.003-05:00

I have not moved for days. Most of the time, that has been OK, but when you need to go to the bathroom, not moving is not so good!!!The young doctor said," No weight on that leg!" several times. What??did he anticipate I may not listen?I listen, at least right now, and have moved at a dead snails pace. Walker to stool to potty and back to the barge. I'm an easy target for Somali pirates!!! Thank the lord that I have people. People who know me, and take good care of me anyway!! They understand that my needs, are odd for some!! You mean to tell me not everyone asks for a spoonful of marshmallow cream!!! You may be required to find my favorite lipstick!! or I need the white tweezers, not the silver ones!! I love my family and friends, for loving me, and laughing with me. This broken leg of mine, has greatly affected those around me. I have slept more than the average bear, and my caretakers have to have some time off. They need their rest. The queen bee has just opened a new notepad, and found her favorite pen," I need" list continues to grow, a broken leg has not slowed me down, it just kept me from moving!!! Thank you all for helping me hop!!! and for keeping those pirates at bay!!(send me Johnny Depp!)

Waiting

2011-02-15T12:04:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting on "the barge" my seat, in our den. My place, as I like to call it, surrounded by MY stuff. I'm waiting to have surgery on my broken leg, this coming Thursday. Comfort is not coming my way, and if I don't occupy my mind, the constriction of the splint will start to make me crawl out of my skin, so I think, and blog. Waiting is difficult for most of us, waiting in pain, insanity. I have meds, but I think my angst is winning. Being bored is something that I'm not accustomed to, I don't like it!!! If I could move around better, maybe that "being bored" would flee. Reading is my refuge, and that is not working. So I wait, with an attitude. I count the gray hairs, and conjure up a plan, of how to get my hair colored, before surgery day. I have an appointment, its what do I do with the broken leg, and get beautified??? I'm sure crippled people get their hair done. Are people using the word crippled anymore??? I hate politically correct politeness!!!
Seems like we are always waiting for something. I think I will just sit back and enjoy the silence of my house, my worn, soft blanket, a cold soda, and pop another pill!! Crazy has not totally won!!!

February, It's Still Here

2011-02-10T18:14:00.004-05:00

After a two week battle with a sprained ankle and rotten cold, I'm convinced being healthy trumps everything!!! Honestly, I am whipped. I still have no good audible voice, but my fingers are working, so I can still TALK!!! Depression in the winter likes to hang around. When you are sick, and its winter, the Big "D" not only hangs, it takes root!! So I battle, and work hard to find my joy. Throw in unbearable grief, the battle is LARGE!!! My burden is huge, but I'm determined to find every joyful moment, and eat it all up. These last, almost four years, I have been on a mission to live. A scavenger hunt for reasons, to keep going. It is the most amazing gift, this life of ours, and I devour it!! Love it all up. It does require, some work. Hard work, all day, everyday, AND in the winter, sweet Jesus, its hard.
A sweet friend of mine, who recently lost her young son, asked me, " Will I ever find joy?" I touched her and reminded her how "new" her lost was. Five months, you are still are not sure it is true. You are looking for your child around every corner. You are raw, so fragile. The newness of this pain, covers you. Grief is heavy to carry around. It is lonely, but joy is still there. It is all around you, but if I told her that right now, it just seems impossible, so I don't. We just share our stories of our boys. That is our joy. Joy waits for her, just like it did for me, and I find comfort in knowing that. Ward will have been gone 43 months, February 13. He remains a joy to me.
I have a friend coming to Atlanta next week, to go to Emory. He has been diagnosed with ALS.
Where is the joy in hearing that news? Well, there is and we will find it, I'm on a mission!!!!
I pray for miracles, and for winter to leave me standing!!! Is it still February?

Sprained, Strained and Drained!!!!!

2011-02-05T09:13:00.002-05:00

The winter months have kicked my ass to the curb, and I believe it is still February.
Holidays, after the loss of a child, don't ever "jell" and this Christmas was no different. I stopped mid-way through my Christmas cards, my heart so full of love for the remaining people on my list. Yet, I could not put pen to paper. Hopefully, I will do a combo-card and send soon, with Happy New Year's and Happy Valentine's day greeting enclosed!! or I could just pitch the entire basket of cards??
January rolls into town, with horrible ice storms and snow, that shuts down Atlanta. My gypsy spirit under lock down. Coats , gloves, turtlenecks, socks, weigh heavy on me, my chilly albatross.
Then our trip into Boston, for the grandsons birthdays, anticipated with joy. The snow, as high as a Georgia pine, made me tread, oh so carefully. In the house, the last night of our visit, I missed a step and rolled my ankle. Yes, down I went, and down I stayed. A big production to get to and from the airport the next day, a merciless flight with a sick man across the aisle from me. I stopped counting the coughs and his sneezes, I was broken and knew this flying virus container of a plane, was going to get me. So now I have a bad sprained ankle, and a horrible cold and cough to usher in February. Work did not see me this week, I have been strained and drained. Each year I try not to give in to the gloomy weather, but when the stuff you are coughing up is the size of a squirrel, the magic of winter eludes me.
Yesterday I received a jury summons for March, really!!!
My Bill told me this morning, that we may have snow next week. My response was, " Now you know why I don't support the NRA!" I would have been locked and loaded in December!!
Life is a beast at times, and I'm riding her all the way, kicking and screaming!!!!

Not A Cowbell!

2011-01-26T07:18:00.003-05:00

Every morning I pray, "Lord make me an instrument of peace, just not a cowbell!"
You see I'm a Leo and we have a tendency to be happy. OK, loud!! Strong personalities, is an ever so sweet way!? to say very loud! Lucky, flamboyant, don't like change, charming, and we roar like the lioness that we are. We are the king and queen of ANY jungle! So now you see why my prayer is appropriate. I know this is my "notch" and its hard to take it down, but I'm aware, some days I would like to be, a flute!!!
Well, wouldn't you know the earth shifted and someone ??now says I am a Cancer, in the zodiac world. A crab!!! This creature has strong imagination, could be a hoarder, complex, CHECK!!!
Also an artist, a writer, romantic, loving , CHECK!!!
But... I'm a Leo, I shoo-shoo change.
I think I may be a Lecer or a Cano, some good qualities of both of these signs.(remember, born a Leo, we don't acknowledge bad qualities!)
So my prayer this morning, "Lord make me an instrument of peace, and a one women band!"

News Flash!!

2011-01-22T16:56:00.003-05:00

The burbs outside of Atlanta, have way too much time on their hands. Pools, tennis, lawns, and garbage pickup, create great fodder for conversation. We have a news letter and now with all us "baby boomers" we have news briefs!!! flashes!! on e-mail. Usually I delete things, either by mistake, oops!!! or on purpose. Bill, favorite hubby, likes to read them to me, and stir my pot!!! "This had better not be about somebody not liking "Joe Blows" lawn ornament!" or " Some poor fool has let their grass grow 1/2 inch past normal!!" "Go ahead and read it if you must!"
Grinning, like the cat in Alice, he reads " Coyote, spotted on the corner of Hartridge and Arborwoods!(we live on that corner!) watch your small children and pets!" SHUT UP!!! you are telling me, that people do not watch their children and pets!!!! I howled, and told my typist to reply " Tell them I had earlier spotted a "Republican" and to lock the doors!" now that is a news flash worth reading!!! The burbs, love them and hate them, its home to all creatures, great and small.

Broken but.....

2011-01-17T17:41:00.004-05:00

Deep Freeze 2011, is now snow gravy. Melting away, and not a minute too soon. Housebound and feeling gloomy, is even more difficult when you are broken. There was even a point in these gray days, that I began to morph into The Queen Mum!!! I looked a little bit pinched!!!and I was thinking of buying a hat!!! Bloody English weather!! Cold, damp, and minus the crown jewels!!!
It takes so much work, for me to look for joy. I noticed on the January calendar that Ward has been gone forty-two months. My very breath would become labored at the thought of his absence. In the quiet of these winter days, grief settles in. My work to seek some normalcy becomes harder. Lucy and I would lay on the sofa in any ray of sunshine that we could find, and find such peace. Then I would think, that Ward will never feel or see this sun shinning, feel the warmth through the window. He would never know, this sweet old dog, who has brought life to this house. The paper said, that this past week , Atlanta was frozen in time. My time was frozen on the day Ward died, and Winter makes each of my days, just more difficult to maneuver. I even became angry with God. Each night before I go to sleep, I have always asked God to watch over my babies. Last night, I asked him, why he did not watch over Ward? "What were you doing on that July 13th night?" " You didn't need him?" " I think you were not paying attention!!""How can I trust you now?"and then I heard him say, "I have been waiting for you to get angry Bonnie, you will feel my love, and know the answers." "I'm trying to get to sleep, and I'm so angry, and I don't know any answers, but I do know you, and I do know Ward is with you but I'm broken!" "Now leave me alone!" "No, don't, I need your help, I need you to get rid of this cold weather, snow and ice!" AMEN!

Snowcation

2011-01-13T12:40:00.004-05:00

Today is January 13, 2011, day four of"Snowcation." It could also be called, "Miserable on Arborwoods Drive" or " I may not have enough lotion to get me through winter!!" The outside temp is reaching about 33 degrees and I'm giddy. Georgia meets the ice capades is getting on my last nerve, and I may get behind the wheel of a car. We tried yesterday to 'skate the ice' on four wheels, to my hubby's dismay and fingernail marks in his arm, we turned around. "How bad does a person ever need milk?" We were in the car, traveling at 2 miles per hour, to purchase Lucy the lab, some bones, so she would not be bored in this winter mayhem!!!! I told Bill she could chew on a good pair of my shoes, just get my ass off this ice covered asphalt!!! He proceeded to remind me, that growing up in Buffalo prepared him for this kind of driving, as we neared the 18th hole on the Rivermont golf course!!! we were not in any way, playing golf!!!
So I remain at home, watching birds and combing the cabinets, to find something deer would eat. Lucy and I spotted two deer this morning, and I think every living thing is hungry!!! I made banana bread the size of my thigh yesterday, I think I will share with all God's creatures. Embrace the crazy, I say!!! Maybe I will finish my Christmas cards, I had saved some to do, just in case of a rare winter storm?? As my mom would often say, "This too shall pass." Really??!!

Remember When?

2011-01-10T10:53:00.004-05:00

Remember when, is a nail biter. Could be a sweet memory or something evil that you may have done?? Especially when your child utters the phrase. Every mother has an "arsenic hour" when raising children!!! So when my twenty-six year old son, Hart, said, "Remember when??...you walked with Ward, Lauren Bagdy and me in the snow and ice storm, to Kroger?" and " Lauren fell in the snowbank, and you fell on the ice?" "Those are good snow memories." "Would you do that again mom?" Hmmmmm.... "No Hart, that was when I was a good mom!" " You think I liked to be out in the snow with you kids?" SO000000 mom, "Does that mean you will not be playing with us in the snow tomorrow?" Precious son of mine, "I hate the cold, I hate the snow, and I have not only cut the apron strings, I burnt the apron!" " I have raised strong, independent children, who play with others!!!" after the laughter has died down, Hart said, " but it will be fun!" Anyone that starts a sentence with, "but it will be fun", has horns!!! and a tilted halo!!! HART...".I'm sure it will be fun for you, and I hope you enjoy it, take Lucy the lab, with you on your frolic in the white powder." " I will be wrapped in a blanket, with only my eyes showing, knowing that I am the best mom in the whole wide world!!!!
Phone rings.....ring....." Mom, it's Emma, I wish I were home to play in the snow with you. Take a lot of pictures!"Thank Jesus for a long lens on the camera, because this mom is staying IN!!! "Emma, oh I know, we wish you were home from college also, love, love and ps.. call your brother!! it will be fun!!! remember when you two played together!!!??"
I love being a mom!!!

Reality Bites

2011-01-04T13:38:00.004-05:00

Back to school tomorrow, with a phone call into the retirement office. Just to look at all my options!!! I have a few more hours, that are mine!!
Just finished my last vaca book, Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. My heart is beating so hard, trying to not go to the valley. You see, she knows my heart. She has lost a child, and she is searching with grace. It was a beautiful book, about love and loss. My one question, in all the grief books that I have read, remains. "What did Ward learn from death?" "How did this make him stronger?" "Why is death suppose to teach us something?" Guess that grief book, isn't out yet? What an unwanted journey this is!
Two other books, that came to me this holiday vacation,(I think they all COME to me!) are, Enchanted Evening Barbie and the Second Coming by Rheta Grimsley Johnson. Rheta is enchanted. Laugh, cry and smile at the same time. This book taught me that we all live from Christmas to Christmas. That is our timeline. Christmas causes us to be distracted, the days are not ordinary. Then Monday comes, and the job of life continues. She ends the book with the words, Keep moving forward . That I like!
The second wonderful, little book jewel, was Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, by David Sedaris. Honestly everything he writes, causes me to be jubilant. This very different read, made my reality,nibble! Not bite!! If animals were more like us, is the concept, and he runs with it. I feel giddy to run with him. The illustrator is Ian Falconer , author and illustrator of the Olivia children's books. The icing on the cake, and I had a big piece!!
I guess my reality, was that I had some free time to indulge in some great reading, so I take back the title of this blog!!!!

Pee-Pee

2011-01-02T17:02:00.004-05:00

Euphemistic use of piss-Pee-pee!!!
In our family we used the term, tee-tee, it still means, gotta go in my world.
My bladder is the size of a dime, and anyone who knows me personally, knows I mean NOW!!!
I have peed all over the United States and beyond. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact. I know where all bathrooms are located in any given state. I have pee stories!!!
Two of my favorite are; One being in a civil war cemetery in Fredricksburg, Virginia. We were looking at all the tombstones, and thinking about each young man, and the war, when the urge hit me. Remember size of a dime!!! I hollered to my family, find me a tree and somebody from the north!!! We southerners are loyal, and crazy!!!! Well, in military cemeteries all the graves are in rows and rows, the same size stone with these precious boys names and states engraved. So I was running up and down the rows, grabbing my tudee (another family name for private parts!!) praying for a bush, or a mausoleum!!!! Privacy is not an issue, I could not GO on a grave period!!! Luck would find me a rare oleander bush, and I sat, thinking to be careful, this plant is poison!! Two was in the middle of a road, snake hunting!!! Why was I even in a car with people who hunt snakes? A friend of my father's, red flag should have been spotted!!!, thought it would entertain all of us. To see how many snakes cross the road at night, by some swamp, river in Jacksonville.So we turn on the low beams, and see hundreds of snakes. One glance and I'm an insolent teenager, "Turn this car around!" Everyone is laughing, and ecstatic about "the big ones!!" on the side of the road, that cars have run over!!! when I need to go. I tell Woody, that I have to go and what am I going to do, we are searching the car for a jar, NOTHING!! I can not go outside with all the snakes, you lunatic!!! "Oh Bonnie, its OK, I will leave the lights on high and all the snakes will scatter, they are more afraid of us!?" I get out of the car, lights on, so everyone gets to watch!!! I have to stand in front of the lights, just to be safe, when I squat and then the lights go off!!!So funny???I leaped on the hood of that car, and scared all participants seated!!!
There are many, many more potty stories. It's just the wicked, funny truth. So why do I share all my business? I keep having dreams about finding bathrooms, hours of looking for open stalls, clean toi-toi's ( aunt Peggy's name for toilet)and I was wondering why? but I think I answered my own question!!! Now if I can find the reason why my other dreams of losing my purse, and keys is happening I will get a good nights sleep!!! I have never lost my purse or keys, so this one has me stumped!!! Now the song, Dream Weaver is stuck in my head, and guess? I have to go!!! Sweet Dreams.

Love of Language

2011-01-01T09:32:00.004-05:00

My New Years wish is to write down what i read, with a snippet of why. Maybe even keep a list of words, in a journal, or better yet blog about it!!!
Pat Conroy's book, My Reading Life was consumed by me during this holiday season. A reader's delight, to know others who hang on words with both hands. He is one of these remarkable souls, where reading has always been his companion. I began to think about when my love of reading began. As a very young child, The Color Kittens held my short attention. I carried it with me, along with my dolls, both high on my love list. In the summers, as I grew, the Springfield Library,(old Brentwood Theater) would hand out little stickers for how many books you read. I was hooked. I could read fast, checking our many books at a time. My brothers and sister would check out one book. I needed a wagon, to carry my load. Living in the hot south, with no air conditioning, made laying outside, under a big, mossy oak, my reading room. Sometimes I would venture towards the creek, where it was much cooler, but I was exposed to "the neighborhood." Kids everywhere wanting to play, could never understand why anyone would choose to read. It was almost, like I had to hide it. Seems funny, trying to get away from the sweltering heat, and playing with all my buddies would influence my lifelong joy of picking up a book. Reading on our side screened porch, because the concrete floor was so cool, was another favorite place. Pat Conroy claims that reading saved his life and sanity, he had more to get away from then me.
I do think reading has shaped my life, and made me a voracious learner. From reading about cardiovascular medicine, to The Great Gatsby and thousands of pages in between. Books have been the pleasure of my company, my friends, my teachers. Remaining high on my "to do" list, again this new year, 2011. Thank you Pat Conroy, for your gift, of sharing your love of reading with me. Reminding me, that I need to take notes, record words, expressions, page numbers, quotes, titles, author's names, to remember. Remembering is my New Years resolution!!!!!

My Memory Nods Off, Like A Narcoleptic, Again!!!

2010-12-28T09:42:00.002-05:00

I think I may have posted the title , minus a story. Maybe that is the story, what we should or should not omit!!!
The big dig, of putting away the Christmas ornaments has begun. I hesitate, in each room. How can you box up, such beauty and joy? I'm depending on my memory to remember all my holidays, and downsizing at the same time. What to save, throw away or leave out for a few more days? This may take awhile, if the house is to be in some order by New Years! You know I veer!!!!
I was upstairs, putting away some winter clothes( in my mind, I think spring is just around the bend!)and found a photo of Ward and I. December 26, 2000. I was holding his face, like the Madonna at the foot of the cross. I can see pain in both of our eyes. My heart is about to burst. I began to think, about my memories and how much I need them. I miss Ward so much, and if you are reading this, I hope you do not know what I feel. So of course, I had to find a frame, in my hoarder bin, Christmas decos, can wait! My HO was packed, with just the HO-HO left.
So I decided to blog about , Traveling with Pomegranates, by Sue Monk Kidd, and her daughter Ann Kidd Taylor. Stay with me people, ramble and learn.
This sweet book about the bond between mother and daughter, and how we redefine the roles with all of our children. Finding Ward and my photo, triggered a line from her book, which is, My memory began to nod off like a narcoleptic and I would be left with a thought curled up on the tip of my tongue. Ramble is now connected.
Sue Monk Kidd wrote The Secret Life of Bees, so I expected a good read. Her Mermaid Chair, a yawn, but a good writer is like a relative, the door is open, so I invited her back. We had a good visit and I met her daughter. I discovered Greece and found it narcotic. She surprised me with her over the top attraction to Mary, the mother of Jesus. We have a common bond. She observes the world around her, becomes passionate about, even pomegranates. She reminded me to take time to read, even when boxing up your Christmas. Also, when the death of a child, redefined my role with Ward, this book helped me remember, death does not take your memories. You may have to work harder, yikes!! the older you get, to remember things. You WILL remember. A picture tells a story, even a title of a blog!!!

My Memory Nods Off, Like A Narcoleptic

2010-12-28T09:37:00.001-05:00

Mother of God, Holiday Fog

2010-12-22T06:57:00.004-05:00

Yesterday's blog title was Holiday Fog, which was deleted in its entire glorious form, by me!!!
So this morning I will try and remember its content, who knows what will come out of me, I'm in a Mother of God, Holiday Fog!
Do not read between the lines, I do enjoy every other second of the holiday season. That bi-aaa-tch other second hangs over me, like tacky Christmas lights. Blinking, busy,busy, busy. My jolly is hard to find.
Traveling, flying, during the holidays has shaved years off my youth. Hundreds of people fighting for position, when they know we have seat assignments!!
Lucky for me, I love to fly and can put myself in a trance within minutes of the click of my buckle, and the sound of luggage being crammed overhead. Sybil may have heard voices, but I hear music!! Reel to reel, non-stop music. Throw in my earplugs and let the concert begin. Johnny Cash, B-52's, Broadway, Church songs, Patti Page, Beatles, Indigo Girls and now Christmas Carols thrown into the mix. A cacophony of tunes fighting for airtime in my cerebral cortex!! and this music is not on an I-pod. I hear music, I'm some sort of music savant!!! and it serves me well. Sometimes, this mild brain dysfunction gets in the way, but not during flying and the holidays. Some would say, I tune them out??? I say, I just tune in!!Big band, bluegrass, calypso, country, disco, folk, gospel, heavy metal, hip-hop, jazz, new age, pop, rap, reggae, rock, salsa, soul and swing keeps me focused and humming!!! Melodious harmonies drowning out, the hectic hot mess, the holidays can create. In fact, the music from Rent is playing in my head, as I type, Joy to the World!!! I do have to be very careful what I listen to, because songs can get stuck. So driving to work, I often have to wait in my car for something pleasant, because my co-workers will have to hear it all day long, and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida can wear a person down. Uniqueness, or quirky? doesn't matter. Let the music play, I can always turn down the volume. Its a gift!!!

I love Baby Jesus

2010-12-13T18:19:00.003-05:00

Give me a baby in the manger, and I'm good to go. Lately, in my down-sizing mood, the nativity groups in my house, have become somewhat dysfunctional!!! There is a stable, and animals, and Baby Jesus without the head, Mary and a Shepherd, stepping in for Joseph. There is also a giraffe, who is just visiting, following that star. We have a shoebox creche, that Hart made in pre-K, at St. Andrews. Jesus is made out of gauze, and pipe cleaners. There is glitter, and foil used for Mary's dress, and even some sheep(cotton balls) and a piece of hay. Some other nativity figures remained in the box, I did not even unwrap them. You see, its the pieces, that bother me. I want a stationary nativity group!! Traveling Holy Family, all glued in the manger. And I found one!!! Made in Peru or Bangladesh, it looks like a window and you open it up and there it is!!! I love it, I may move it from room to room!!! I need to keep my eye on the manger, during this wonderful time of the year.
God's plan can have joy for us, and take us to lonely places. Mary reminds me, that a child was born, and why. I don't need to see the pieces of the nativity to remember, but I do like a good visual. PLUS now, its self contained. Angels included!!!

Do NOT Take Me Camping!!!

2010-12-11T08:43:00.003-05:00

My bud Jamie and I, are off to Spruil Artist Market, and A Thousand Villages this morning. This has become a December "must do" for us. We had penciled it in our calendar, this morning I checked my e-mail, and she wanted to know, if we should "ink it" in!!! We both have such busy lives, and a gad-zillion things to do, of course I said yes. NOW the crunch to get ready. Usually it takes me 10 minutes tops for the complete package. Make-up, hair-do, legs shaved, wardrobe look-through. BUT its winter, so you have to throw in my LOTION time.
Oil of Olay, Hope in A Jar, Beach Oil, Retin A, Cow udder balm, and a new one I added this year, its an orange and ginger calming cream!!!! Do not laugh, this is a serious. I can never go camping, Never! It takes a village of creams to get me out the door. I'm a pampered pooch, and proud of it.
Particular Patty wants to be smooth, no cracks and crevices here.
Ready for the cold air to hit me, unable to penetrate my layers.
Ready for some shopping, when I should be doing other things!!
Realizing this morning that, I can never go camping!!! I think I always knew!!!
Now where is my hand cream?

Stop The Treadmill

2010-12-08T07:14:00.002-05:00

Much to your surprise, I do work out!
Yesterday I left work, and went straight to the gym, and the devil on my shoulder said, "It's tooooo cold to work out!" PLEASE, why would I listen to this thing with horns and a tail??? So I preceded on my journey, to sweating a tad.
I never get close to the TVs while walking/running, my mind needs to clear, and concentrate on not going off the back of the machine, while I'm fixing my hair!!!
I do sing out loud, to my Ipod, I try not too, but some songs require my rendition!!!
I'm wailing away to John Mayer, and the screen caught my eye, there is so much on about Elizabeth Edwards, and so depressing, I made a good move to be far away. Thirty minutes down, and I'm getting antsy, people in leotards are surrounding me. I look up, and Elizabeth Edwards is on all the screens, something is going on. So I slow down, stop, and move up, to the bicycle with the mini screens. SHE has Died, I can't pedal, I am so filled with sorrow. I start to pedal and I read the captions on the screen, over and over. Good Lord, she has died twice, once when she had to view her son , at sixteen, dead in the emergency room. Now Cancer has caused her second death. Plus her husband paying too much attention to his hair, and his mistress, I pedal faster. Finally, I'm spent, and slowly walk back through all the living. Wondering what all their stories are about?
We all have stories, loves and heartaches, and we all have to LIVE.
Elizabeth Edwards lived her life, that is the miracle.

Football Season

2010-12-05T09:22:00.003-05:00

Football season is much like flu season, minus a shot !!! It lingers on and sometimes hurts, but most of the time, its a good time to lay on the couch!!! and YELL!!!
Its a disease, pure and simple, you either have it, or you don't!!!
Me being the first born in my family, I have a suspicion that Homer may have wanted a boy, because I know everything there is to know about football!! I want to thank you daddy, for passing on this gene. I think?
The Blackmans were raised as Florida Gators, period. SEC football ruled our lives. Many a funeral or a wedding, my dad had the radio plugged into his ear to listen. I can remember as a young girl, Georgia fans barking in my ear, and me asking, " What is wrong with these people, mom?"
In our family, the phrase, "Its not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game, is what matters," was never uttered!!!! We are, " Win or go home!!!people!!!"
Excellence is king!!!! Work hard and be the best!!!!
Last evening we watched, as Auburn won the SEC title game. I worship the Gators, The Auburn Tigers I just "love". Two of my children went to Auburn, and were able to see, first hand, the agony of defeat for a few years, and thrill of Winning it All!!!! Each of them, were in college for a 13-0 season. Hart in 2004, and Emma this year!!!! They have the disease, I have passed it on!!!
Of course we watch all sports, with passion. The life lesson is, whatever you like to do, give it 150%, from Football to music, Tap dancing to NASCAR, reading to cooking, gardening to fishing, be passionate about everything!!! Pass on THAT gene!!!

Colors and Memories

2010-11-28T16:42:00.003-05:00

When my feet hit the floor this morning, I felt my cheek. My dream had been, of me laying across Ward's coffin. I sat on the edge of the bed, holding my face, thinking what a way to start the morning!!! Grief can be unkind at times, and grief knew I had to decorate for the Christmas holidays. Yesterday, I had begun the unpacking and unveiling. It is always a surprise to me, to see all the ornaments. I love the whole process, of unwrapping and revisiting each memory. The love emanating from my memories, is joy. Christmas Joy, and a whole lot-a mess!!! I work in circles, and corners, and themes. In my mind, I'm Martha Stewart, with a Cyndi Lauper kind of twist. I start out with order and color plans, hours later, I'm throwing balls in bowls!!!! Colors and Memories infuse everything.
There was an article in the Sunday paper, about quilters, who cannot see, they feel the colors!!! Yes, I understand. What a beautiful article, one women said that when she lost her sight, it took up so much of her time, thinking about what she had lost. It was a big waste of time. I guess that is what I was feeling this morning, when grief slapped me in the face. I had to turn that pain around, and put one foot in front of the other, and not waste my time, on missing Ward. Of course I miss him everyday, but he is not just a recollection of something that is past. He lives with all of us, each day, and that is Christmas Joy-juice for sure.
So my decorating had many pauses throughout the day, kissing and loving each photo of all my kids, and each ornament that they had handmade. I would close my eyes, like the quilters, and feel the memory. There is Joy, I can feel it!!!

Fly the Friendly Skies!!!!

2010-11-24T12:47:00.003-05:00

Should be cooking, on this Wednesday before Thanksgiving, but needed to vent, before I stir a pot.
Why in the world are people freaking about a "pat-down" at the airport?
I want to have a safe flight, if someone has to sit on the wing, and shoot birds, let it be!!
X-ray machines, as big as old Cadillacs, zap me twice!!! Zap animals, people and pilots!! packages, luggage, and luggage handlers!!!! and if you want to throw in a pap smear, sign me up!!!
In fact, I hope whomever is coping a feel, while looking for bombs, is using a vibrating wand of some description. We are not the Puritan Pilgrims, coming over on the Mayflower. Times have changed, people put bombs in underwear, and on shoes. If you don't want an x-ray, or to be touched by strangers, YOU DON'T FLY! Simple, stay home.
I love to fly, and I have people I need to see. So let the fingers do the walking!!!! I don't care.
Weigh me, check my teeth, please just spend as much time checking the plane engine as you do me, it's only fair. Three Delta planes had to have emergency landings recently, due to engine failure!!
Can we have a few extra x-ray machines on the runway, and maybe some mechanics who are good at probing!!!!
I will be flying in December and January, looking forward to flying safe. Hope everyone and everything is thoroughly examined, and they don't bill me for it!!
Who am I to turn down a good "pat-down"??